I confess that I picked up a street walker once. I read in the paper there was a lot of prostitution in a nearby neighborhood and I got curious. I get there one night and drive around. Just the usual homeless and some people walking around. Where were all the damn hookers? Once I saw a girl who was obviously working, but she got picked up before I got there. Two hours into my search, I pulled up to a gas station to take a piss. I come out and I see this gorgeous little blonde teen going down on some asshole in the truck parked next to me. I decided to wait for him to finish and pick her up after he drops her off. Twenty fucking minutes later, he finally leaves. Then we're at an intersection and the asshole drives through right as the light changes. I almost follow when I see a cop in another lane. Shit. So after almost four hours round-trip (in what was supposed to be hotbed of whores) I call it a night.
A couple days later I come back in the afternoon. I read up on the topic before I left (yeah, I'm a sad nerd) and discover that street hookers often aren't dressed like hookers. You can spot them by looking for women randomly walking around like they're lost, carrying a lot of shit like bags and sweaters and food. Sometimes shifty looking guys (drug dealers/pimps) follow them around. Looking back I realize I missed a bunch of them that first night. 30 minutes of driving around again and I still don't see much. I stop at another gas station.
Finally, I spot a fat woman with a bad complexion carrying a jacket over her shoulder and looking around the station. She sort of stops and eyes all the guys filling up. Nobody meets her gaze so she moves on. I pull out and stop ahead of her down the street. She's asks me if I'm "looking for a girl". Sure I am. She asks if I'm a cop. "No I'm not" (WTF kind of pointless question is that?). She gets in and is even uglier up close. At least 45. Fuck it. I'm on a mission. She tells me were to go. Asks me if I'm a serial killer. (Huh?) and then grabs my cock to prove she's not a cop. I didn't ask. I grab her fat tit. We're friends now.
I pull into a restaurant parking lot. 20 for a BJ, 40 for BBBJTCIM. She expects money up front. I pay her 40. Worst goddamn blowjob of my life. It's like she was trying to circumcise me with her yellow fucking teeth. I could barely stay hard. I'm paranoid about getting spotted so I look around while saying "less teeth" over and over. I see some other guy getting a BJ from a hot young hooker in the next car. Again. I obviously suck at picking up street whores. 10 minutes go by and my hooker gets impatient. "Are you gonna cum or what?" I tell her to forget it. I drop her off by a bunch of drug dealer thugs and the bitch asks for payphone money. Who the fuck uses payphones anymore? I give her 50 cents just to get her out. She leans on the car door and tells me to look for her next time I'm around. I silently pledged to never return.
The TL;DR lesson? Stick to asian massage parlors.
