I went home for the holidays and saw my family for the first time in two years. My youngest brother has grown into a carbon copy of this guy I used to date, and he looks and acts like the type of guy I prefer (perfect height weight and attitude). At the same time I learned that my second youngest brother is a slut, and he's been sleeping around with girls of inappropriate ages and getting girls drunk and taking advantage of them.
Now whenever I bring a guy into the bedroom, I keep thinking about sex with my youngest, brother. And whenever I get a woman into the bedroom, I keep thinking about how my other brother has been acting towards women.
This is all huge turnoff for me. I'm protective of my youngest brother, and I am disgusted by people who take advantage of women. I end up feeling sick to my stomach every time and I'm completely incapable of getting an erection now. (I never had hangups about sex, incest, rape fantasy, or any of that shit before, I visit fucking motherless for christs sake) I don't even wake up with morning wood when I'm celibate, instead waking up with the occasional sick feeling which passes as soon as I put my mind to something nonsexual. Porn hasn't helped with either problem, and I had a full checkup and there's nothing medically wrong with me (low blood pressure I suppose, which wouldn't help the erection problem)
I keep my sex life totally separate from my personal and family life, so most of my friends and family aren't even aware I'm dating, and none of them know I've dated guys so I have nobody to talk to. I don't have enough money for a therapist because I have to move next month across the country (opposite coast), and I'm in canada so that's going to be expensive (also my rent is going to double in vancouver) So now I have nobody I can talk to about this. I don't even feel comfortable praying about it (I'm not religious and don't believe in any god answering prayer, but recognize the therapeutic value of it.) I've resorted to posting it on an obscure pornographic confessions board. If anybody has any advice would be make me feel better. Even troll advice that blames healthcare reform and black people.
