There's a love spell you can cast by leaving your semen in a girls conditioner. You'll be on her mind, literally. I suppose it's as effective as using her lingerie to beat off. I just like the idea of my seed soaking into her scalp.
Sometimes I jerk off to true crime stories like
"I survived" when the victims describe their kidnap and rape. I guess I'm a bit twisted, but I think I'm harmless.
I knew a guy that shot steroids and smoked crack constantly. Instead of licking windows he'd jack his Persian cat off. His explanation was that the he didn't have hands or thumbs and who was I to judge him for having fun too? I used to butt fuck his smoking hot wife with his permission. She loved it when I'd put my fire poker up her ass as she was taking a hit. Now that guy was nuts.
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