I have a crush on my professor.
It's not what you'd probably think, I think anyways -- this is a community college, she's a youngish (I don't know, she's probably mid-thirties; I'm twenty-two) adjunct, and she seems to not really give a crap about whether or not something is inappropriate between a teacher and student (she gave one of her students a hug, after she gave her a gift of some sort). We've chatted a bit outside of class. She seems like a really sweet person, though that could just be a persona for her students, and she's cute.
I feel like I love her. I'm hurting a bit right now because I randomly started thinking about her. But, aside from the age difference, and how busy she is, there's two problems.
First off, while I feel like I love her, I don't really want anything to do with her. Even though I'm trying to ask her out, on an impulse, I don't actually like the idea of dating. I don't really want to fuck her either. I have these impulses toward her, but they don't actually translate into conscious attraction. Consciously I feel I should just forget about her after the semester ends in a week, but I don't want to forget about her.
Second, I feel like I've fucked up. I've had two classes with her, and in both I've made my crush kind of apparent. I act like a sad puppy in need of attention. I'm nice to her all the time -- jumping to help her and whatnot. And I haven't really given her any reason to make her think I'm a mature adult. It's hard to explain and people tell me I'm being too hard on myself.
This is part an attempt to get it off my chest, part a call for advice.
