found out im hiv positive. when i got it was during a week of smoking meth and bouncing on a bunch of dicks. 10-15 of them. its likely I didnt get it from the very last guy. I notice the last two specifically are not on dating sites anymore... I had clean paperwork from the previous test so they were not concerned. I cant tell anyone that i have it, because even if they gave it to me its too easy to say i gave it to them and it could cause me problems. good news is i have learned something new that will help people that dont know. there is a drug you can get within 72 hours of exposure to hiv that can keep you from getting it. you have to contact Aids Health Foundation to find out where to get that near you. if you do not have hiv you should look for this place so if you get exposed you know exactly what to do. it is your only chance to not get it. i got it because my favorite way to enjoy sex is the most likely way to get it. i dont care what your judgements are. I got it from guys i met on grindr. I think one of them had it and didnt know. I came back clean on all other stds. i have only used meth a very short time in my life and i started it because i was hella lonely and went to a gangbang and they said i had to smoke to kick it. enjoy your day because i now think of death when i used to think of sex.
Replies 11
There are worse things that can happen then losing your friends or your job.
Worse than losing you life.
Its called "Living your life in denial that the way you think kills others, and makes so many no-go zones in your logic, that it will kill you in any number of ways"
What's that mean? every simple form of logic that is part of the simple narrative of "You Fucked Up!" will be a kind of logic you'll avoid, because it is a piece of the "You Fucked Up!" story.
Your thinking becomes like swiss cheese...less solid, your plans become more fragile.
It is better to come clean and own your fuckup, and do right by others, even if one of them is the asshole who infected you.
at least you will find yourself in an honest restart of your life, and with a better way of thinking and living then what you are sentencing yourself to at the moment.
Good Luck with that.
i dont have friends or a job, so cant lose those. its new to me so im processing my experience and dealing with the denial that pops up. when i was on grindr with the guys i smoked meth with, i deleted that account so i wouldnt be tempted to contact them and smoke meth again. so i have no way to find or contact those 10-15 guys. the neighbor and i didnt do anything that could spread it. me and a guy he was close with did lots of nasty things, they use condoms but not gonna ask if everytime. that guy hasnt been around for awhile and may have moved out of town. at the end of the day we are responsible for protecting ourselves and testing ourselves. i will not risk my peace of security right now. whats done cant be reversed. this is why every person has to claim responsibility for their own future and health.
im also not going to be telling anyone at future jobs, or lames that call people names. any shady person that fucks with me im thinking about using this as a weapon. i feel sorry for any cruel mo fos i cross paths with in the future. im hella passive aggressive. i will take precautions with people that dont have this coming, im not evil. karma real or not, some people deserve fucked up shit added in their lives. i wouldnt say God gave this to me, so i dont blame him. i directly made every choice that gave this to me. the reality is maybe the one who gave it to me didnt know, just like the last person i hooked up with its likely i gave it to them but not 100%. my biggest motivation to tell people is to educate them that there is a drug you can take within 72 hours of exposure that with keep you from getting it.
I can tolerate most of all of what you said...I hear you (I'm guessing here) are powerless over your sex addiction and that's the reason you shut down your account.
If there is a safe way to post to Grinder, in a way that your contacts could recognize, that those who had sex with you toward the end of your Grindr time should really get tested, cause, in the middle, someone infected you.
If there is no safe way...well, then there isn't.
If you could do that, it would be 'good karma'.
Otherwise, take good care of yourself. HIV isn't a death sentence like it was in my youth....so your chances of a decent healthy life are very good.
well i made another one that basically will work that way. i have been checking the messages and responding to questions honestly. im not hooking up with anyone until i learn who i am allowed to play with. i want a girlfriend but thats awkward to think about.
