this is my confession. it's rather trivial and insignificant but i thought i'd share this with everyone because it happened recently and tbh i don't know how to wrap my thoughts around it.
my gf and i met at university and have been dating now for 6 years, and are at the stage of marriage. we've met each other's parents, talked about the future and decided we want the same thing out of life.
however, the other day as my gf and i were having a shower, i decided to get out sooner so i could make dinner since she was taking a long time and i thought it would be nice for her to come out with dinner ready for us in bed. anyway, her phone was on the dining table and so for the first time in 6 years i thought i'd get a hold of it and have a look at what's inside. i've never even thought about doing this before because her and i are very independent and don't bother too much with social network stuff so there's nothing to actually look if her or myself were inspect each other's phone.
well, that's what i thought. well, it's true her phone is as app boring as mine but what was strange was a single photo of herself in there. it's the photo that i've uploaded to ML. i don't know what to make of it. it's definitely her but why does she have this photo in her phone? who took the photo?
so, now she's out of the shower, dinner is ready and we're eating on our bed whilst watching some anime. she's talking about work and i'm sitting there thinking about this photo with a wtf look on my face and so whilst she's talking i ask her 'what's with the half naked photo of yourself?' and then she drops the fork and stummers for a second as she's regaining her composure and then goes on to tell me that her brother took the photo. she's trying to explain and i'm sitting there stunned, shocked, speechless and thinking 'god,i wish i never asked her'. because now, i've only got more questions and the idea of marriage is so far beyond me now but at the same time .. it's so strange, at the same time i'm wanting her to keep talking about her relationship with her brother because it's so twisted and kind of sensual that it's turning me on.
i hit the nail on the head and tell her that her relatioship with her brother is wrong and that it needs to stop. i say this to her because the truth is something that i don't want to encourage because of the fear that i'm not good enough for her and the idea to be her second choice is just demoralising. she tells me that she's in love with me and that her and her brother have been close for many many years and that it's nothing to worry about.
why shouldn't i be worried when she's been keeping this a secret? why should i even be making dinner for us when there's a secret life she's got and it's like, who is she? do i even know her? do i want to know her? why now? i'm 26 and all our friends are getting married, having their own families and i'm stuck with this? i spent all of university and the past 3 years living an introverted life when i'm actually an extroverted person wanting to do so much else but because of her i've been living this way.
of course, if i knew about this earlier when we met, i'd be cool about it because then i'd assume that i can have 'fun' on the side too.
i forget what my confession was suppposed to mean. that's right, my gf has had sexual intercourse with her brother for a long time, only recently stopped but they sometimes would take photos of each other. the part about me expressing how i feel is just my insecure nature trying to validate a bad situation.
there won't be anymore photos of her either. i'm not sure if i should allow her to entertain the idea of her brother and myself. just because i'm getting older and it's probably too late to find a woman that's truly loyal or at the very least, not sleeping with her brother. oh well. thoughts?
