So, I don't get it. I was out of town, went out for drinks and went to a strip club. This blonde cutie chats me up, she's running around naked. Of course she wants me to buy her drinks, par for the course right? Then she's talking about hooking up (which I thought they couldn't do). So I laughed, and was like "yeah you're not allowed to do that, just like I can't take your picture."
"you can take my picture if I give you permission..."
And I was like, "nah I'm good."
But she insisted, "I'm authentic, take my picture - pick me up when I get off at 12:30am, you got a room?"
So stupid me takes her picture and instantly I have two bouncers on me and I was literally thrown out on my ass. It was 11:20pm so I decided to wait and see if she would still want to hook up.
Sure enough she comes out and I get out of my car and wave to her, she waves back and comes up to me.
"I'm so sorry about that, I told them to let you back in but they said it was company policy to boot you, but hey, about that date - I have to get home but perhaps tomorrow?"
She kisses me on my cheek, and leaves. What the fuck was that even all about?
I have to confess, I'm confused. Was there some kind of scam? What am I missing here. No money was stolen - just about $30 on buying her drinks and another $20 for a lap dance with her (where she put her tits in my face and went upside down and poked my nose with her pussy).

I confess this is my first post, but i thought id share with you about a few years ago i was with a girl who was 19 years old, 5ft 5, and weighed about 100lbs. She was in love with me, but i just didnt want to be tied down at the time so she wanted to be my fuck toy, she would do absolutely anything i wanted without giving it a second thought. She wanted to do everything id ever mention, even the random things that no one planned were either great or just a huge turn on. One thing i still think about is she lived with her family in a single wide trailer, she had 2 younger brothers one about 17 and the other 15, one night with her brothers dad and mom home we were watching tv in the livingroom when her parents went to thier bedroom, and as soon as they did we went into the hallway bathroom where she started to suck my dick. It wasnt long before we were naked and i was fucking her over the sink, out of nowhere her brothers kept trying to come in on us and she was yelling at them to get out, they could have came in and joined for all i care. I ended up cumming on her face and making her walk in the livingroom before she was allowed to wipe it off and swallow it. I dont think her brothers even noticed because it was so dark.
There was another time i will never forget when i was working and she was home alone, her dad cut grass for a living and he had hired a guy she went to school with who really liked her, he was late one day and her dad just told him to go to thier house and he would come get him after the first job. Well she was texting me about it and he showed up, so she had him come in and watch tv with her until her dad got there, well while they were watching tv she layed on the couch on the other side of the room from him and text me. She ended up falling asleep, he got really brave and being as stupid as he was didnt care, so when she fell asleep he pulled his dick out and started jacking off. He actually went and stood over her and came all over her face hahaha, she jumped up and started punching him then she ran to the bathroom and text me about it while cleaning the cum off of her face. Being the pervert i am it made me hard just hearing about it. I told her to take a pic and send it to me, but it was to late she had already cleaned herself off. The only thing i didnt like about that whole day is i wasnt there to see it and do it myself.

looking to cyber with a kinky guy ;)

love cleaning dirty assholes with my tongue, getting my stupid face farted on, drinking piss, getting my face slapped, and more! women are stupid worthless sluts. come degrade me!!

send me a message ;)

Beyond the Horizon

Part 1

One of the lessons you learn after years of driving is that at some point or another, you’re going to experience the pain of repetition and predictability. Even when I first started off on the journey, I never had a destination in mind. It’s like as soon as I sat down and closed the door, it was getting hazy. It’s apparent to me now that from the moment I turned that old key and fired her up I was totally unsure of to exactly where I thought I was going. Driving is one of my greatest pleasures. There’s a sincere innocence in the act of driving. I lost sight of much of that, and from time to time I wasn’t sure if I was even in control. From a certain perspective the relationship between the machine and it’s controller breaks down, and it can become objectively difficult to distinguish which is driven by which.

To be fair, the warning signs were all over the place. It felt like I couldn’t go more than ten seconds without some sign, a precaution, a rule, a rule of thumb, a word of advice whispered in confidence. I always did my best to be a responsible driver. For the longest time I did my best to obey all the rules of the road, back before I knew better, or perhaps until I thought I knew better. Experience is the greatest teacher, not to mention the harshest. It’s common knowledge that to learn from experience makes even the worst decisions worthwhile. Sometimes it’s simply the only thing that one can take away from the curveballs so often thrown one’s way. The problem for the unwise lies in working out what lesson the accused is to take away from his crime. For the introspective the problem is rarely not seeing the problem at hand. They can even take precautions to make sure that one accident is never repeated, by not repeating whatever lead to disaster the first time around. For the experienced, and by that I mean the scarred, the disfigured, those drivers who possibly still hurt every waking day of their lives, there are an entirely different set of problems, regardless of their ability to learn from past experiences. The problem faced by the salty, by the ones who well and truly drove around that block more than they care to admit, is the inability to disengage from what they think they know best, and in doing so they find themselves sat exactly where they were before they even released the handbrake. One cannot escape his past, cannot escape the stupid things they did. But to make matters worse, they begin to see that so many of the reflective, glaring, fluorescent signs they are bombarded with as they hit the highway begin to contradict each other. They blur, they all look the same, sound the same. It seems impossible to follow one highway code without breaking another. At first, one particularly thoughtful individual might find, there seemed to be one over-arching Way. The irrefutable Tao of the road. The one true way. I miss that idea. I’ve reached a point where no matter how hard I try and see things as I used to, either I changed, or the rules did.

And so those rare unfortunates may find the signs begin to undermine each other. Slow down, but speed up. Be cautious, but never so more than you’re being brazen. Make sure to flaunt every last thing you have and haven’t ever done, because nobody likes It when you brag. And so experience fails you. It begins to lie to you, and even when you’re aware that there is clearly deception afoot, you become a man looking at a map with no reference as to where in the fuck they actually are. It’s at this point in my career as a driver that I also realised that for all the years I had been driving, I could not remember where I was going. I knew that I had been driving for a very long time, and I think at certain points I had stopped off at places, and I still remember the people I picked up. Some of them drove with me for the longest time. I always liked having passengers, but sooner or later, the destination is reached, and the journey has come to an end. But I digress. At a certain point, I found myself lost. It was the worst kind of lost, in that not only did I not know at all where and when I was, but in that I had totally forgotten where I had originally intended to go. I could not even remember at what point I had forgotten everything about myself. All I knew was in looking in the mirror, I was sure I didn’t recognise myself. I could not even describe the person who stared back at me. The Driver was a man about which you could say so much, but I’m quite certain that none of the obvious things you could gleam from that countenance were objectively correct. Nothing I’ve ever experienced has been quite so simple as that. First impressions are hard to resist, however. In a way it didn’t matter that I’m sure in some ways I recognised the Driver’s face, because from the moment I met his eyes with mine, I knew he’d always be a simple mystery to me, destined to be my enemy, the one who knew me the best.

He had the look of the man who has learned from experience as he lit that cigarette. The glow from the lighter revealed a face older and more weathered than I’m sure my own face was. He looked bad. I was certain he didn’t have the slightest good intention in mind for me, and yet everything in his eyes and in the tone of his voice struck me as sincere and well meaning. He spoke to me as if he knew me. We’re on the road now aren’t we? I’ve always loved these warm nights, the heady smell in the air. He grinned, and his eyes lit up. I suddenly felt thirsty. Thirstier than I’ve ever felt in my life. There was adrenaline coursing through my body now, and most of my worry had suddenly receded. As he rolled down the window, an old and child-like excitement crossed his face, as a child who is told on Christmas day that the best present has been saved to last. What does it even matter where we’re going? The pleasure’s in the driving. It’s also in the uncertainty. We passed a strange scene by the side of that long road. This struck me because until now it had all been so blank. There was a cow being led down the road by two men, one in front, and one following up from behind. We passed so quickly that the image struck me as an old black and white picture would have, fixed in my mind without the suggestion of fading. It was like some grim scene from a foreign abattoir, and I felt my spirit drop, knowing where the cow’s destination lay despite all his ignorance. He looked complacent if not slightly confused as to his predicament, being lead by his handlers as he was. For some unknown reason, I honestly felt very sad for him. Then I laughed. Fucker should have evolved faster. I couldn’t but help show the slightest disapproval, even if deep down something in me knew it was true. It would be pretty much the same if the boot was on the other foot. Or hoof. You get my drift. I laughed again, and I wasn’t sure if it was humour or desperation I heard in that laugh. It sounded strange to me, but laughs always sound strange when you really listen to them. Everyone knows what a laugh means, but that shit can’t be found in any dictionary I ever heard of.

Mail Order Bride: My Experiences
This is probably going to be a long read.
I'm not sure if anyone on this site has delved into mail order brides, but if you've got the money and you're lonely - it's not the worst thing in the world to do. I've always had several fetishes for oriental and even Russian ladies. So after grieving for a few years after my wife left me for another woman (yes, that fucked with me in so many ways), I decided to try the dating scene. I'd make matches, sometimes even hook up with the lady but nothing really ever clicked enough for me to have a long term relationship with the women. It was date, fuck, on to the next. It got old fast and I was looking for something more, looking for a woman that was actually in to me. So one day I decided to try it.

The sign up fees are stupid and can range from $70 - $200 a month depending on the package you select. I figured I'd make quick work out of it and find someone I was interested in and exchange personal information with them. SO I signed up.
A lot of these girls look like 10/10 models - they all have professional pictures taken and I was like "well I just got scammed, they're all fake as fuck." Seeing all of these flawless women was a bit of a turn off for me - being in my late 40s, I knew I wasn't a bad looking guy but these women - all of them were way out of my league and I had my doubts, especially because I know a majority of them are after citizenship. I felt like I made a big mistake.
I contacted a couple of the ladies, usually didn't get a response. One day I logged in and this very attractive Filipino lady left me a message, just saying "Hi. Saw your profile."
I went to her profile and looked at her pictures, and just kinda shook my head.
I was talking to other women on there, but nothing really panned out. A lot of them barely spoke English.
So I chatted her up. I told her that we had an obvious age difference, and that I didn't know if she'd be comfortable with that. She replied back, "Most Filipina ladies like older men, it's kind of a cultural thing. I like older white men."
So we hit it off. We decided to exchange personal details and I called her up and we'd talk on Skype too. We'd laugh, joke, and just talk about everything under the sun - including her past relationships. She was engaged to be married but the guy got another woman pregnant and the marriage was cancelled. She talked about some of her boyfriends being abused and drinking all the time. She told me about her parents and how she moved out of the house at a young age and supports herself by having a masters degree in economics and works in Manilla and helps with city planning. We talked for months and months. We'd get intimate on Skype, she'd start fingering her pussy, moaning that she wished I was inside her.
"When are you coming, or should I come visit you?" she asked.
My heart raced. So I made plans to take off work for a week and fly out to the Philippines. It's a long flight and I couldn't even sleep - but when I got on the ground I got off the plane, and went outside the airport and called her. She was waiting for me and saw me standing by the road, and honked her horn. She got out of her car and ran up to me, gave me a great big hug and kissed me on the lips. Holy fuck she looked better than her pictures, she could have easily been a model. I loaded my luggage in her car and hopped in the passenger seat. I'm used to order, at least somewhat order - but driving in the Philippines scared the ever fuck out of me. It was very unnerving. From nice paved roads to roads cratered with massive potholes then to dirt roads - we finally made it to her small house that she was renting. We talked all the way to her place, I was so shocked I finally got to meet her - because I didn't feel like it would ever happen.
I was nervous and didn't want to push myself on her, I was worried that maybe I was ugly to her in person.
We got inside, and she made me feel right at home.
"You must be hungry! I cooked this yesterday for you, I'll heat it up, and I'll get you some tea!"
She spoke perfect English, with a small accent from Tagalog.
I told her not to worry. I felt a bit nervous - all the discussions we had, all the cybersex we had - I felt out of place.
She called me over to her small little kitchen table and had a plate prepared for me, with hot peppers, fish and some other ingredients. I have no idea what it's called (even to this day).
"You said you like spicy babe," she said smiling.
I took a few bites. My mouth was on fire, tears ran down my face.
"Holy fuck!" I said, "It's perfect."
She giggled, and her small firm chest bounced at bit. She caught me looking.
"Now now, there's enough time for that later. You still think I'm attractive right? I was so worried that you wouldn't think I'm attractive... "
I looked at her, "You're beautiful, absolutely stunning. Of course I'm attracted to you - physically and mentally. Hopefully I'm not ugly to you..."
Her eyes widened, "Oh, you're fucking hot dude, I'm still very interested in you!"
So we watched some TV, she obviously was horny, as I held her hand she guided me down her shorts to reveal a shaved and dripping wet pussy.
I haven't had sex in a long time. I didn't last long at all. Just how tight she was, how perfect her body was, and how beautifully she looked right into my eyes while I was inside her. I felt her touch my soul so deeply.
"I always imagined this moment, just like this..." she said, smiling.
"Oh, I thought I'd last a lot longer than I did, it's your turn to cum..."
She moaned as she played with my cum dripping out of her swollen pussy. Her fingers spread her dark brown pussy lips aside, showing a beautiful pink inside, as white dribbles of my sperm leaked onto her couch.
My mouth found her small supple tits, licking and sucking - I worked my way down to her dripping shaved pussy, and started massaging her clit with my tongue.
She moaned and grabbed a fist full of my hair, pulling me closer as her hips moved back and forth as I ate her out.
"I'll always be yours, I love you..." she moaned.
"I love you too," I said taking a quick breath.
She began to buck and moan, "Fuck..." she whispered, releasing my hair from her grip.
"I'm not going to want to leave you here," I admitted.
It got late, we ate dinner and went to bed. We fucked again before falling asleep.
We were to lovers who seemed obsessed. She took the week off of work so she could show me the sites around Manilla.
While she took me around to see the sites, something popped into my head - "just marry her already."
I went into a jewelry store by myself (she had errands to run) and got her a nice engagement ring.
The next time she took me out on the town, there was this big beautiful fountain (not sure of the name of it) and I got down on one knee.
"You bring so much life to me, my mind body and soul would ache without you being in my life, will you marry me?"
Her eyes widened, and she looked right into my eyes. There was an uncomfortable silence which seemed to last for an eternity.
"Of course I'll marry you!"
People around us clapped and congratulated us.
I didn't know how easy it was to get married in the Philippines. It's almost like Vegas but without Elvis overseeing your vows.
We fucked every single day, sometimes twice to three times in the same day. We discussed that she was going to quit her job and move with me to the USA. So I helped her pack a lot of her stuff in boxes and we mailed the boxes to my address. She talked to her landlord who owned the property and told them she was leaving at the end of the week, so she can move to the USA with her husband.
The landlord congratulated her and wished her well.
I've been married to her for 15 years and she is still the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life.
We've had 2 kids together and her body snapped right back into shape. She's as beautiful as ever. A timeless beauty. So yeah. Sometimes those crazy mail order bride sites actually work.

Stupid whore needs a train ran on her face

I motherfucking confess:

I swear to fucking god that if this goddamned website ever required a minimum I.Q. of say, 50 (well below retard I.Q.), for anyone to visit the site, it would be dead in a week. I doubt there are more than a half-dozen non-retards who visit this shithole with any degree of regularity. The only one that even comes to mind is UncaBilly, who, unlike you moon-faced imbeciles, can actually form a comprehensible motherfucking paragraph.

You Down Syndrome twats routinely resurrect years-old threads and respond as if they were started yesterday, as if the OP is just sitting around in a fucking rocking chair, year after motherfucking year, waiting for your goddamned, cocksucking pearl of retard wisdom.

You retarded faggots routinely respond to a post without bothering to read any of the other replies, about half of which already state your stupid fucking joke or your worthless comment or poorly written, unoriginal insult. I guess it's just too fucking much of a strain on your meager, rudimentary reading skills to be bothered with such a herculean effort.

You goddamned, cocksucking, illiterate, retarded, perverted, child molesting, motherfucking faggots make me vomit. All I wanna do after reading your goddamned drivel is murder and dissect some motherfucking whore and then take a hot fucking shower. That's how fucking sick you pieces of shit make me!

FUCK YOU, YOU KNOB-GOBBLING RETARDS!!!

When my wife and I were younger, and just dating we used to set up role play scenarios on yahoo chat. This was back in the heyday of yahoo chat when it had user created rooms and way less monitoring.

We were both 19 at the time, but more often than not she would "play" 16. They way it usually went is I would get on cam and just chat with people that had similar interests as myself. Usually get on cam for them. The cover story was that I was home for the weekend from school. No one was home except my 16 year old sister, and she was busy doing whatever girls do. At some point, usually while I was masturbating, my wife would open the door behind and watch. I'd play like I didn't know what was going on until the guy/couple I was talking with mentioned she was there.
From there we would play it a few different ways. Sometimes I'd get really embarrassed and she would be the initiator. Sometimes I'd invite her over. In the end it usually ended up with her blowing me or me fucking her.

One of the more extreme scenarios we put on was I chatted up this older guy that had a thing for younger chicks. I gave him my wife's or..."sister's" ID and told him to chat her up and see what she was doing online. After a few times he "got her" to strip for him. I told him to set it up so that some weekend I would be home and he would get her to bate for him, I'd come in so I could see it. He did this, and as I came in the room and saw my wife played like she was shocked and wanted me to leave. She played that she was incredibly pissed at me for seeing. I ran up on her, threw her on the bed and "raped" her. When I was done I pulled out and shot on her face.
Afterward she just turned off her computer without saying anything and never talked to the guy again. I let it go for a week and signed on my account to chat with him. He was elated. Kept calling me his hero. I told him she loved it so much she was my fuck slave now, and let him watch us fuck one more time.

I confess, I miss those times. We looked close enough alike that no one really questioned it. And my wife, while not all that skinny, had smaller boobs, so no one questioned her age either. Now, we're old/fat/parents. OK, not really all that old, or all that fat. But it would be harder for people to believe us as siblings as opposed to a couple. Plus, my wife got out of that. I tried role playing it a while and she stopped me before I could. For her, it was more about the show, not the sexual idea of siblings. Which is fine. But now she won't even get on cam or show off anymore. Stupid marriage and kids.

I slapped my wife across the face last night during the Super Bowl. I was pissed off, and drunk, and she said something stupid and I lost it and slapped her really hard across the mouth. She started crying of course, and locked herself in the bathroom. I didn't apologize, and I'm not sure where she spent the night, probably at her sister's house. I honestly don't feel so bad about it, been wanting to shut her up for some time, and I'm not too sure I want her to come back. I suppose when I get hungry and horny, I'll wonder why I did this, but until then, it's kinda peaceful

I haven't gotten laid in a long time because of PTSD from a woman who really screwed me up. I thought I was in love with her. Anyway, after 2 years of disparaging and acting like a complete depressed fool, I was walking my dog and went to the dog park. I sat on a bench and let my dog run around and have fun.

As I sat there just taking in the cool winter fresh air - I noticed this woman casually glancing at me. I didn't know how to react, I had a few flashbacks of my ex so I just looked down at the ground and didn't want to make eye contact.

"Hey." I heard a sweet voice ask me.
I looked up, it was the woman that was looking at me. She was right next to me. I stood up and smirked.
"Hello."
"Hope I'm not disturbing you, I've seen you here before and I just wanted to say hi. My name is Lori."
I told her my name and shyly looked away.
"No you're totally not disturbing me. My dog has a lot of energy so, yeah I'm here a lot."
"Oh they can have way too much energy!" She laughed.
Anyway we made small talk and hung out for a good 3 hours until it got dark.
"Hey, can we exchange numbers?" She asked me, "I don't want to be too forward but - you're a nice guy I'd really like to get to know you."
We exchanged numbers and she went in for a hug, and I let her - I hugged her back. She smelled so good.
She was petite with short black hair, red lips and pink cheeks (the cold weather gave her a natural blush). I'm 6 ft 2 inches tall, and she's about 5ft tall. She had a nice frame that her winter jacket accented well.
A few days later after meeting her I get a text on my phone from her, "You want to get some coffee?"
So after I got out of work, I met her at a coffee shop and we really clicked well. It seemed we liked the same movies, the same TV shows, the same music... we hit it off well.
"Hey would you like to come over and watch a movie?"
She blushed, "Of course I would love that! I'll follow you in my car."

We got inside my house and we both decided to geek out and watch Lord of the Rings (we're both Tolkien fans). She sat next to me, and I put my arm around her and immediately she moved in for a kiss. I froze.
She pulled away and was a bit confused, "are you ok? Did I do something wrong?"
I shook my head, "no, it's not you - look I like you a lot, but I'm in therapy for PTSD because a few years ago my ex really damaged me... and it's not that I'm hung up on her, it's that my mind reverts to the trauma she's caused me."
She was silent for a bit, so I said, "And I totally understand if you want to leave, it's fucked up - I know."
She smiled and held my hand, "I'm not going anywhere - thank you for being honest with me. I like honest men."
Out of nowhere, "yeah I haven't dated in over 2 years, haven't had sex... nothing."
"Oh that's going to change, whenever you're ready I'm here for you."
My cock got immediately hard.
"I mean I'm ready but my brain acts stupid," I said chuckling and pointing at my cock making a tent in my jeans.
She chuckled, "well - I'll be honest with you too. I've had a crush on you for a long time and I kind of been stalking you, I know it sounds creepy... but I just couldn't work up the nerve to talk to you. I thought you maybe were married, or had a girlfriend."
"Yeah I've never had a stalker before, that's kind of sexy honestly," I laughed.
"I'd sit there and watch you and think to my self - why is such a nice guy so out of reach... I really didn't want to date anyone because I had this major crush on you so I was turning people down for dates!"
"I'd really like to get to know you, just understand that I do have some trauma and I'm still in therapy - I'm working on it."
"Can you tell me what she did? Or does it hurt too much?"
"Oh, I can talk about it. I've been talking about it with my therapist for two years! Where to start... Well I met her online, and we met. We hit it off really well. She'd come over, we'd have fun but eventually it turned into her programming me. We'd be having sex and she'd start calling me her husband, saying that she wanted me to cum in her to get her pregnant so we can make a baby."
I paused, reflecting back on it.
"Anyway, she'd look into my eyes while she was on top of me begging me to give her a child, calling me her soulmate, her husband... this happened over and over. One day at work I get a call, it's her telling me she's pregnant. She demanded to know what I wanted to do, if I was man enough to take care of her and the baby. I told her of course; I was happy and couldn't wait to start a life with her. I went home from work, and she was waiting outside of my house. It was a bit odd because she never showed up unannounced. She seemed different, but I didn't think anything of it. We went inside and she broke down crying. Then she punched me in the face. She turned into a wild woman, grabbing and pulling at my hair, clawing at my chest and throat screaming 'you ruined my fucking life! I have a husband, I have a child!'. I was shocked and then she calmed down, "I'm aborting the baby and you're going to pay for it. If you don't I'm going to ruin you. Every waking moment I'll be making your life miserable."
I took a deep breath, "and she did. She made my life miserable. She would call the police on me and pushed false allegations of sexual harassment, and even tried to tell the police I raped her. I took her to court, I won - but when she went away it's like I lost my mind. I wanted the baby, I wanted her, but everything was a complete mindfuck - including her being 'madly in love with me.'"
Lori listened intently, "Sounds like a complete psycho... that's a lot to go through. But hey, on a better note, I'd love practicing making babies with you when you're ready!"
We laughed and I leaned in for a kiss. My hand cupped her soft breast through her shirt as our tongues danced in each other's mouths. Her hand unzipped my pants and stroked my cock.
"I---" I stammered.
"Shhh, lean back and enjoy it," Lori whispered.
Her mouth enveloped my hard cock, her head pumping slowly up and down. Lori would look up at me, and fondle my balls and continue working my dick with her mouth.
Lori pulled her top of, and took off her pants and undies. I pulled her head gently off my dick and laid her down and kissed her body. My fingers probed her hot wet pussy and she moaned. My mouth made it's way down to her pussy and my tongue slid inside and licked her salty wet clit. She moaned and grabbed my hair, calling my name.
"I'm going to cum!" and she did. I've never witnessed a woman squirt, ever - but she did - all over my face. I really didn't like the taste of it, it wasn't what I was expecting but it was a huge turn on.
"Lay back, it's my turn to make you cum," she said with a smile.
She mounted my hard cock and it slid in her. I didn't last long.
"Oh Lori, I'm going to explode!" I told her, I didn't know if she was on the pill or anything and suddenly, I was worried about getting her pregnant and started to panic. I tried pulling her off, but she pressed down harder and rode my cock harder.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not her, I'm me and I want my fantasy man to finish inside me. I want every inch of that cock deep in my pussy and I want every last drop of cum that you have in me too. Relax, feel me...."
I fucking came. I came and came. I came so hard it hurt. When she got off of me, cum was dribbling from her pussy, dripping on to me, and down her leg.
"Holy fuck," I said. She kissed me.
She spent the night, we fucked twice more. In the morning she had to go to work and so did I but we did meet up later on and I went to her place. I spent the night.
"So, are we a thing? Can I call you my girlfriend or what?"
"You better be calling me your girlfriend! Hell yeah we're a thing. If you ever have any concerns, you can always talk to me - I won't do you wrong like your ex did."
So I guess after 2+ years of being single, I now have a very sexy girlfriend. I have to confess that I'm still afraid, but also confess that Lori is way better in bed than my ex is - and I know I shouldn't even compare... but I think that's part of my psychological issues. And yes, I'm writing this as part of my therapy because I can't go on facebook and post shit like this... I just hope I'm not going to get fucked over again, I can't handle it - and she's the most beautiful woman I've ever been with.
Might delete later. peace.

(Parody of The Night Before Christmas written by Clement C. Moore)

T'was the fright before Christmas. No one upset me
With a big bowl of popcorn, watching TV

I stretched, gave a yawn, settled back in my chair,
In hopes that St. Nicholson soon would be there.

The children were lying awake without sleep
They'd seen all his movies. He gives 'em the creeps.

I'd cued up Cukoo's Nest with my trusty remote,
To the part where he had all the nuts in the boat.

When out in the yard there arose such a noise,
I turned off the TV to see what it was.

And what to my wondering eyes should approach?
But the Los Angeles Lakers and Pat Riley, their coach.

The limo was racing; the team at it's heels.
That's when I saw him the man at the wheel.

He ranted and cursed. Waved round his swizzle stick.
And I knew in a second it must be Jack Nick.

More rapid than the Celtics, these Lakers they came.
He screamed like a madman and called them by name:

'Now Magic, now Worthy, now Scott and Kareem
On Cooper, on Rambus, and the rest of the team.'

Down the chimney St. Nicholson came with a groan.
Then he brushed off the soot and said, 'Honey I'm home!'

He was wearing a trench coat. With beer it was stained.
And shirt clawed to shreds by Shirley McLaine

He had a fat face, and flabby beer belly
From too many trips to the bar and the deli.

'It's tough when an actor becomes fat and lazy.
I only get calls to play weirdoes and crazies'

And middle-aged has beens with washed up careers.
But I'll fix 'em all and play Santa this year.'

And with that he buried his head in the sack
And said, 'Let's see what you get from your old buddy Jack.

'A hatchet for Daddy,' he reared back his head,
'To scare all those little buggers upstairs in bed.

'And a stiff drink for Mommy, in a nice tall glass.
She could really use something to kill that bug up her chimney!'

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his face,
He threw all the stockings into the fireplace.

What could I do? What could I say?
What would I wear on my feet Christmas Day?

I asked for a reason, and turning his head,
He looked straight at me, and here's what he said:

'Why? Do you wanna' know why? Do you really wanna' know why, Pal?

'I'll tell you why. When you're out Christmas shopping. You know, doing your little Christmas things with all your little Christmas friends, spreading all that Christmas cheer with those stupid Christmas songs. Did you ever stop and think of picking up a little something for old Jack, huh? Did you ever stop to think of what Jack might like for Christmas?

'You know, Jack, from the movies, up on the big screen? Pouring his heart out, giving it everything he's got, day in and day out, just trying as hard as he can to bring a tiny little bit of sunshine into your miserable, little hum-drum lives. Did you ever think of good old Jack, huh, for a second? No, not once! Maybe old Jack just wasn't that good, huh? Maybe I wasn't good enough in The Postman Always Rings Twice. Acted my guts out for you in that one! Cuckoo's Nest, The Shining, Witches of freaking Eastwick, Prizzi's freaking Honor! All for you pal, just to brighten things up for ya!

'Not good enough though is it? No, you want me to brighten up the Christmas season too, huh? Isn't that what you want, Pal?

'Okay, let's make things real bright around here! What do you say we decorate the tree? String up these pretty lights here! Oh, she's looking brighter already! Why don't we take this cute little angel and ram her on the top branch huh? Ha ha ha! How about some gasoline for the whole freaking thing? I mean let's make her just as bright as she can be! What do you say we light her up, and chuck her through the old picture window here, huh, pal? No sense in having a tree as bright as all that and not giving the neighbors a chance to see, don't ya think, huh?

'There, aren't you glad old Jack stopped by? Huh, huh, huh? Ha!'

The flames towered brightly in the cold wintery sky,
As he made for his limo and bade his goodbye.

And an age may unfold ere I fail to regret
That visit from St. Nicholson. Which I'd sooner forget.

But I swear by the goose bumps upon my skin
That I'll always remember that devilish grin.

And his voice crying out ere he faded from sight,
'Merry Christmas to all, and I hope I never see you again as long as I live, for crying out loud!'