The nail polish makes me wonder how much of a guy is left. So many different colors. ROFL

QUESTION - On Omegle or ChatRoulette, is there a way that you can connect with chicks ONLY instead of random ? If you connect randomly to strangers, you're gonna get connected to some naked dude jacking off. (ROFL) Is there a way that you can connect with girls ONLY and not guys ? Reply.

QUESTION - On Omegle or ChatRoulette, is there a way that you can connect with chicks ONLY instead of random ? If you connect randomly to strangers, you're gonna get connected to some naked dude jacking off. (ROFL) Is there a way that you can connect with girls ONLY and not guys ? Reply.

I confess that I fucked some guy from motherless this weekend at Kings Island! Yay me. Oh yeah, about Kings Island :). I got soooooo shitfaced. Like you guys know I don't drink?? omfggggg such a bad idea. I didn't even know they had bars there. But I got a long island iced tea and it made me so stupid -.- Like he had to hold on to me walking so I didn't fall. And then I left my phone in the damn bathroom so ran stumbled back to get it. Some girl came out of the stall and was all "is this your phone??" i was like OH THANK GOD. and then when i was walking out some girl goes "OMG I LOVE YOUR PINK HAIR!!" i turned around to say thanks and fell into a wall (nice bruise on my face) she was like "LOL GET IT GURRRRRL" rofl. after that we rode a roller coaster where i lost my phone AGAIN and the guy i was with lost his keys. lol we were such a mess. i went back to see if my phone was in the seat and the girl there checked and it wasn't. so we were leaving and thats when he realized he lost his keys too, we were already out of the park and everrrrything. So THEEEEEN we had to run back to that coaster and on our way i ran into that girl from the coaster and she had my phone!!!! she said it was on the floor. i got sooo fucking lucky lol. and his keys were with the ride operators. so yeah. cray cray night. :D but i feel like shiiiiit today. im not drinking anymore lol. I need to stop drinking. 1shot of jager and 1 long island. it was wayyyyy worse than when i had the 2 long islands and mini beer. jesusssss.... jager will knock you on your ass apparently. i've never had straight up jager just jager bombs (jager & redbull)

ROFL!!! I almost fell outta my chair when I saw this....

So true

anonymous 13.2K

"LOL!

It's not the responsibility of the site to make itself compatible with you..you have to make what you use compatible with us..

The fact you're using a games console to view a pornsite is hilarious tbh..thanks for the laughs..rofl.."

really dude.

I confess that I just masturbated to a video of paris hilton talking about her stupid fucking clothes and shoes. lol. rofl. I was watching it and just talking mad shit to the ipad. You stupid fucking whore. Ill beat your ass. rofl. I didnt cum I just found myself stroking to the video and laughing hysterically. And now Im laughing even harder as I write this because its some psychopath shit.

Holy shit. Im a funny motherfucker.

I just thought it was hysterical.
My stroke session began as a quest to find some good fakes or an awesome compilation of Jillian Barberie. Somehow, youtube through suggestion, led me to videos of heiress talking about her fucking bullshit.

I wanted to hit her in the face. I decided to jack off like I was just right there in the room with her.

Im starting to laugh again.

Fuck your stupid face. And what you are saying. Im just gonna beat off to your stupid ass while I tell you that you are a twat.

Crazy nuts morning smoking bowls on the west coast.

And no...I didnt cum. rofl....

ROFL ----------> http://xhamster.com/movies/335556/public_masturbation7.html

Haha...this is fucking priceless. Just goes to show how much this site thinks of you.....They obviously believe that their users are a bunch of fools who believe that they get 10000 uploads a day. ROFL

"media_served"523,944,497
"uploads_today"9,844

Nigger owners manual. A guranteed ROFL...

NIGGER OWNERS MANUAL

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.

INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.

CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat

HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.

FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.

MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often good runners, too, to enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your niggers can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.

ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy include: 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your nigger's pants down, hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers thrash it with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and sobbing. 2) Lynch the nigger: niggers are cheap and there are millions more where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and lynch a nigger.

Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and then you can lynch another one). 3) Nigger dragging: Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph. Your nigger's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is painless for the nigger, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2), except you can lynch your nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood. 5) Hunt the nigger: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a nigger, as they are highly toxic.

DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS.
Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the nigger and dispose of it for you.

COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS - MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESIVE
Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are we, short of niggers or something?

MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.

WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).

MY NIGGER bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.

MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. - WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A NIGGER?
A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".

MY NIGGER ACTS LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!

IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them was p******** between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.

MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD
And you were expecting what?

SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger storage"? .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.

kind of long. but i thought you guys would get a kick out of it

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey
You: hi
Stranger: How're you?
You: pretty good
You: asl?
Stranger: 18 f uk
You: 20/m/usa here
You: u wanna cam for me? we could play the point game ;)
Stranger: Aha, nice to meet you then
Stranger: What's the point game?
You: its where you get points based on what u do. the object is to get the most points you can
Stranger: Heh, wish I had a camera
You: awww that stinks
Stranger: I know right?
You: so what u up to?
Stranger: Just sort of fucking about doing nothing
You: ahhh. same here
Stranger: I'm just, I don't know, bored as fuck
Stranger: Want to try something a little different
You: i hear ya. want to spice life up right?
Stranger: That'd be grand
Stranger: Just do something really wild
You: come over stateside. haha
Stranger: Bit of a trek
You: bit of an adventure*
Stranger: Nah, something wild I can do without leaving the house
You: rofl. hmmmmm. you could have sex with yourself. lol
Stranger: Well...
Stranger: Hmm..
Stranger: Well I could
You: do it weird tho. get kinky with yourself
Stranger: Heh. Any suggestions? Hearing any and all suggestions
You: hmmmmmm. depends how open you are ;)
Stranger: Hmm
Stranger: Let's go with...
Stranger: Entirely open
Stranger: Fuck it, why not
You: you could put an egg in your pussy and then crack it while its inside you and let it all goo out. i knew someone who did that. said it felt fucking amazing
Stranger: Wow, that is weird
Stranger: A whole egg?
You: yup
Stranger: Huh
Stranger: I'll see if I have one
You: lol. aight
Stranger: Yup, I do
You: ooh boy. now get it up there. lol
Stranger: Hmm, pointed end or blunt end first
You: probably pointed end first
Stranger: That was surprisingly easy, and surprisingly cold
You: hahaha. i bet it was
You: think you could it 2?
You: fit*
Stranger: Then crack both?
Stranger: I did bring the whole box, actually. Thoughful of me
You: hahaha. man i wish i could see. do you have skype? i could at least listen?
Stranger: Nah, I never bothered
You: awww that stinks. well did u get number 2 in?
Stranger: ...yup, now I have
Stranger: Cold cold cold
Stranger: So just squeeze and... crack?
You: ya. squeeze real hard
Stranger: Ah fuck that feels weird
Stranger: Ahahah
Stranger: ah
You: hahahaha. i hope you put a towel on your chair or something
Stranger: I got a bowl
Stranger: Fuck, it's still flowing out
Stranger: sticky
Stranger: Really sticky
Stranger: Eh, that was pretty weird
You: wasnt it? lol.
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: Got the eggshell out at least
You: up for more? im full of ideas
Stranger: Hmm, yeah, go on
You: do you have mint flavored toothpaste?
Stranger: Well, of course
You: well some people have cinnamon. lol. squirt some up your pussy and/or ass. gives you this really awesome cooling sensation
Stranger: Think I'll go for pussy
Stranger: Messy isn't this
Stranger: Towel too
Stranger: Give a sec
You: lol. kk.
Stranger: Okies
Stranger: Toothpaste, towel
Stranger: Squeeze again
Stranger: Ah
Stranger: fuck
Stranger: fuck you
Stranger: fuck that burns
Stranger: oh fuck
You: just relax
You: feel the cooling?
Stranger: yeah and it burns like
Stranger: ahahah
Stranger: fuck
You: add more. it burns with less trust me
Stranger: My pussy is a mess :S
Stranger: But yeah
Stranger: That's cold
Stranger: Really cold
You: feels good dont it?
Stranger: Yeah, a little, actually
You: hahaha. i told ya
You: wanna keep playing?
Stranger: Sure, bring it
You: hmmmmm. ok. lemme think
You: you got any lube?
Stranger: Aside from the fact that I'm covered in egg yolk?
You: hahahaha. ya
You: like KY or something like that
Stranger: Yup, got a little bit
You: oh wait screw that do you have any bottles of soda?
Stranger: Yup, got some coke bottles in the fridge
You: take the cap of one and put the opening in you and give it a good shake
Stranger: mmm, dominant, I like it :)
You: XD oh ya
Stranger: Nah, that didn't do so much, just sort of washed my insides with cold coke
You: try your ass
Stranger: Ah!, fuck
Stranger: that was
Stranger: that sorta stings
Stranger: ee cold
Stranger: I can feel it
Stranger: It feels like I can feel it in my stomach
Stranger: ee
Stranger: weird
You: hehe. put your ass in the air and keep in the bottle in and let it all drain in tere
Stranger: Ass in the air on the chair, face down on the floor along with laptop
Stranger: feels cold
You: move around a little so it all gets in there. how big is the bottle?
Stranger: 500ml
You: you get it all in ?
Stranger: Nah, that's like half left
You: if you can reach try squeezing it
Stranger: Ah
Stranger: That was filling
Stranger: Ok, nearly all of it gone
You: ok. you can take the bottle out now. you still got that bowl filled with egg?
Stranger: Yup
You: shit out all the cola into it
Stranger: Eww
Stranger: That was - is - gross
Stranger: Ugh
Stranger: Flushing that
You: hahaha. anything else come out with it?
Stranger: YEs
Stranger: And it smells awful
Stranger: Ugh
You: hahahaha
Stranger: Flushed down the loo now
Stranger: I feel very...
Stranger: Weird, inside
You: its from all the carbonation probably
You: you'l prolly be farting like crazy for the next few hours. lol
Stranger: Thanks for that :S
You: XD
You: u ever drink your pee?
Stranger: No, fuck that
Your conversational partner has disconnected.