I confess that last night I was picked up by a beautiful woman. It's true, but it's actually a funny story.

It started when I was at the bar down the street, minding my own beeswax. I'm just sitting there, and a this hot chick saddles up to to the bar. This chick looked way above my league, but to my surprise, she wanted me. She was also already hammered. (Maybe I look better through beer goggles)

The bartender tried telling her that she was too drunk for me. (What the hell, man? Cockblockula!)

So Miss Hottie took a twenty dollar bill out of her pants and slapped it on the bar. She grabbed me by my neck with her other hand and took me away. (The fuck, am I a whore now?)

Hottie took me outside and into the alley. (This looks promising.) Hottie mumbled something about me being Russian. (Hey, if she's into that, I've got no problems being Russian, comrad. I will straight up murder Moose and Squirrel if that is what it takes.)

Hottie started sucking me right there in the alley. (Feelsgoodman.webm)

She was going to town me. She halfway sucked me dry. (Reference: golf ball through a garden hose)

Out of nowhere, this lady cop appeared and interrupted us. (Cockblockula II: The Revenge of Cockblockula)

The lady cop said, "You can't do that here."

My hottie argued with the cop, "We ain't on the sidewalk. I paid good money for this." (You really didn't need to tell the police that part, Sweetheart.)

The lady cop wasn't taking any shit. She grabbed me and yanked me out of hottie's grip. Then the cop went all Baltimore on me. Before I realized what was happening, she spun me around by my neck and threw me against a dumpster.

I shattered and spilled all over the alley floor. (Fuck, I'm a vodka bottle.)

I'm 30yo and I looked up my old (female) coach.

She wasn't much to look at but it was an all boys school, she and bitch 80% of the time but used to wear a Lycra all in one for training, chubby, big breasts and shaved meaty moose knuckle that leave a wet spot in her crotch by the end of training. I got the impression she was a proper whore in bed. I used to pump gallons dreaming about hate fucking that piggy.

Any way I made a fake FB account and sent her a nice message (so not to scare her off) "this is a little weird, thanks for being my fav fantasy as as a young man" I wonder if she'll reply? If she doest going to send her a pic of my willy. I'm married to a 8/10 now but that's a piggy I just have to pork.

I am a ok looking 21 year old guy with a decent body from the U.K I am looking to be used on Skype by a group of people, woman or couple no single guys! I will do anything you say no limits!
Add me tom . moose 4 no gaps

This is my LIFE�.. I�m retired tonight just now, I�m too old and a care about my family.

Yes I was a cat burglar, what the heck you are saying a cat burglar? lol Well I hit houses and break into them, to steal the good stuff yes I steal the jewelry only, the best and the shinny stuff, no fake stuff for me. I been doing this for the last 16 years and tonight it time to stop and finish my life outside, then get caught and being looked up inside. Talking about getting caught it was a close one, somehow the alarm system triggered a back up response, and a drop know as a tamper, wow its brand new system, and I been installing alarm systems for over 20 years since I was 24. I know how to disarm a security system and bypass the tamper drop. I changed the names what I said to the drop and stuff I�m not going into detail here, bad choice if you don�t know what you are getting into, stay out. The alarm drop means its heading towards the police department right now, and they (dispatcher) can see what alarm company you have and were the drop is like a zone on a building. YOU WILL GET CAUGHT!! LOL if you open box, yes even the box door open will drop a tamper, then the cops will be there in less the 1 min. If you don�t know what I�m talking about well so sorry, DON�T TRY IT!!!!
OK back to this, I remember the Itt wireless and the old Moose systems, very easy stuff. The Itt came out in early 80�s and it was a pretty good system but now you can do your stuff with it.
My life in so cal is great; beaches and football and basketball, and life night. You can see about a nice big house and scout it for a while, know the patterns, Friday night life a lot of people hit the city and you have a house empty for a couple of hours. I can get in and out of a house in 5 mins flat, and the I can bypass most alarms, some I just give up and go to the next one.
Back when I was young working for the company, I met an alarm installer who showed me the ropes about being a cat burglar, he left to go back to his country 10 years ago, yes you can say he left for east Europe, left me with the contacts and I can still sell them the stuff. If I steal some jewels worth 10,000 bucks I can sell it on the black market 12,000 bucks, and an wholesaler about 8000 bucks on the black market. When I sell the jewels its already out of the country in less the 2 days, I have no idea where they go, it�s a family thing l guess.
I have a family and now made a lot of money, I heading out of the country this week, bought a new house in a country by the beach, and now it�s just me and my wife. My kids are now in college and paying them some money, they have no idea where it�s coming from. So breaking into homes every other night or week, I�m so sorry this is my apology to the world. GOOD BYE USA!!!

I once had a girlfriend who I wanted to deepthroat. I was really into that shit and showed her all kinds of facefuck movies to show her what it was I wanted.

(my obession for this, by the way, originated by seeing one of those popular tv shows where people eat spiders and jump from cranes for money. There was this girl trying to eat the cock of a moose. It was almost pure fat I think. She started to gag uncontrollably, but she really wanted to win and kept at it, gagging all the while. She ate it whole. It was the most erotic thing I ever saw.)

Anyway, I gently (yes really) facefucked my girlfriend a couple times and she even kind of liked it. But I really wanted to put it in her throat and then come.
So one time I lost all sense of decency and let my sexual desires take the overhand. I had put her head on the bed and held it there with my hands. While I was fucking her throat she was gagging and started to try pushing me away. Then even hitting me. But I was trying to come as quickly as possible and I was so very close to orgasm. The last seconds were kind of a blur for me as I was in extasy.
When I let her go she ran to the toilet and, after lots of strange noises, came back after a long time. She didn't speak to me, sat on the couch just staring in front of her. Then she just left.
I could understand if she was kind of angry with me, so I figured I give her some time. I called her after 2 days and she said she never wanted to see me again.
I was so fucking angry. Why didn't she want to talk about it? Everybody has troubles in a relationship. And I admit that what happened wasn't really nice of me. But then you TALK ABOUT IT. Nope, nothing. There's women for you.

I am looking for the video of a Canadian girl sucking moose cock and then the moose fucks her in the ass and pulls out and she gets a load of moose cum on her face. Anyone know where I can find it?

the canadian man is a weakling who cannot even defend his women against the rampaging horde of american militia. i live near the border with our neighbour to the north, and i have been planning strategies in the upcoming global crisis of economy and ecology. i believe the wall street of the world will fall, and all peoples will be plunged into chaos. only the strong will survive.

i am not the hardest man of america. i know this in my bones and am rational about it. but i believe i am harder than 90% of all men of canada. i can do pushups and situps and can trap bear and moose and caribou. in the hard times that will come, these will be important skills to have, and one hugely desirable in a man and a leader of men.

i propose setting off to the canadian plains when the shit hits the fan, and recruiting for myself a group of comely young canadian pussy with which to rebuild the great nations of the world. while the socities of the north americas are descending into barbarity and suffering, my coterie of beautiful buxom young canadian pussy will be feasting on moose and bear, and i will be seeding them all with my dna and rebuilding the human race.

make no mistake, the coming global catastrophe will come, and it will come hard and without much warning. only the strong survive, and only the preplanned will thrive in such an environment. i urge all you motherless readers to get off your fat asses, learnt some basic survive skils, and move up to the canadian border so that you too may carve up a portion of this great north land for your own personal fiefdom.

join me! from this, we will rebuild the societies of the western hemisphere.

if you vote for Obama youre a big stupid sack of shit that dripped out of your mother's cock hole and your father was raped by moose!!