I confess!

===

Paul and his daughter Jenny came to stay with me the summer of '04.

Paul was the same age as me, 35. He was forking money out hand over fist to pay his way through college. He had worked a myriad of under the table jobs, the most current being a poker dealer at a seedy card room downtown. The bank had forclosed on their landlord, forcing him to sell and forcing them out. I was letting them crash here until they found a new place.

Jenny was 6, she was always laughing, running, yelling, and just having an all around good time. She loved to go swimming in my pool, and loved to drag me around the house with her (I worked at home), watching Nickelodeon, having tea (I never settled for the imaginary kind, so I'd usually end up brewing a pot) or some other silly game.

Today it was truth or dare... Paul was listening as she suggested it and nearly spit out his coffee, then we looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Where'd you learn about that?" I prodded.

"Hanna Montana!" she stated proudly.

Paul chuckled again and said shaking his head "Hanna Montana, I might have to re-evaluate that one... alright you two, dont have too much fun. I've got to head to work."

He picked up Jenny and kissed her goodbye. After setting her down he turned to me and said "Lets grab a beer tonight if I don't end up working too late."

"Its a plan, you're my wing man tonight, after Amaya." I replied. Last weekend I had helped him get in good with Amaya (which means 'night rain' in Japanese, or so she told us). She was our waitress at P.F. Changs. He ended up with her number before the food got to us.

"She called me last night, we're going out friday." he bragged.

"Awesome! Does she have a sister?" I asked with a smile.

===

I had forgotten my obligation to play truth or dare and had settled into the sofa, and just as I grabbed the remote Jenny came bouncing in wearing her bathing suit, a cute little onepiece covered in frills and splashed mostly in pink with a rainbow of other colors to fill in the gaps.

"Let play truth or dare in the pool!" she said as she jumped in my lap, crushing my balls in the process and eliciting a grunt from me.

"Oh did I hurt you thingy?!" she giggled, as she ran out to the pool.

I walked gingerly to the bedroom to change, grumbling about the cons to living with a six year old kid. No respect for the balls.

===

I performed a perfect sneak attack cannon ball, landing just behind her.

"Hey!" she cried, wiping water from her face and giveing me her signature pouty face. I loved that one.

She swam over to me and latched onto my neck, and looked me in the eyes. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Of course! Have you?" I asked.

She giggled and said "Mom, Grandma, and Sally." Sally was her "bff". "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss me." she whispered. And I did. She suprised me with her tounge, and I pulled back to look at her. "Did I do something wrong?!" she asked.

"Not at all, that was nice. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you want to do more than just kiss me?" I asked.

"Yes!" her nose was brushing against mine. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Touch me." she said.

"Really? Where?"

"Everywhere." Shocking words from a six year old. She sighed as I ran my hands over her body.

"Do you want to got to my room?" she nodded yes and hugged me tight as I swam us to the edge of the pool.

===

She tore off her bathing suit as soon as we got inside, and I followed a dripping wet and naked child to my room. She jumped on my bed and turned to watch as I took off my swim trunks. "Its hard." she stated. I couldn't believe her understanding.

"Lie down." I instructed, taking the roll of the doctor. I sat next to her and ran my hand over her belly and down to her pussy, tweaking her baby sized clit.

"Oh!" she moaned. I spread her legs a little wider and probed her openings with my fingers.

"I'm going to kiss your pussy, its ten times better that a finger." I said with a smile.

"Ok." She spread her legs wider for my as I settled in. I drug my tounge in circles around and over her clit and down to her tight puckered butthole. The I suckled her sex and came away with pussy juice all over my lips. She was a hot one.

Her breathing had increased and I knew she was nearing orgasm. I dropped my tounge down to her anus again and started tugging on her clit. "It feels like I'm gonna pee!" she cried.

"Dont fight it, let it happen." I instructed. Continuing to munch on her pink rosebud. She started to shudder and tried to push me away, but I kept at it until she cried out. "Ugh! Oh Jeremy! Oh! I crawled up next to her and held her as her convulsions slowly died. "That was... nice. Oh my..."

===

We cuddled for a while, then I got up and said "My turn honey! Do you know how to suck cock?" She shook her head no. "Ok, its easy. Come stand over here. Good, now wrap your hands around it like this." I guided her hands to my cock and showed her how to stroke it. "Ok thats the first half, now put your lips around the head." And she did.

"Like this?" she mumbled with a mouthfull of cock.

"Yep, move your mouth and hands together. Now suck like your drinking soda through a straw." She fell into a good rythm. I looked down at her tiny mouth streched over my cock, she made slurping sounds as she stroked up and down. Not thirty seconds in and I could feel my balls starting to boil. "Oh baby, that's so good! Faster!" She increased her speed, the dirty slurping noises coming at a frantic pace. I was ready, "I'm gonna come! Close your eyes and open your mouth." I commanded, pulling my cock from her mouth and spraying sticky ropes of cum on her nose, her eye and eyebrow, one from chin to ear, and a final one over her lips and tounge. She started giggling and I giggled along with her.

===

Later when Paul called, Jenny answered. "How was truth or dare?!" he inquired.

"Oh, we never ended up playing, we watched Nick instead." she lied.

I was gonna enjoy my summer.

I'm a 38-year old, bisexual male pervert, pretty well fully developed, run the gamut of doing the sex clubs, the swinging, the BDSM, the occasional streetwalker. And I'm realizing now, the only thing that gets me off anymore is the most degrading, male-dominant porn possible. Not even talking elaborate Japanese rope bondage here - just whatever has the most large things being stuffed into holes that don't fit. More or less, everything Max Hardcore does, although I can do without the clown makeup.

So, the long and short of it is that I trace most of this back to my mom - quite literally. In her bedside table were copies of the "Sleeping Beauty" BDSM novel by Anne Rice, some Anais Nin, and a couple of Nancy Friday's books. I was about in 5th grade when I stumbled across those. And, her vibrator - a tasteless, 70s beige plastic bullet.

I spent many a long afternoon while Mom was at class, laying on her bed and masturbating slowly while flipping through these books. I was quite the good reader, and had no doubt of what was going on, although a few things were hard to picture. Later on, my mom walks in on me trying a couple things out with the neighbor kid my age, and just nervously backs out of the door. Never says a word about it.

There's more like this, leading up to my getting caught peeping on her fucking her husband - a guy 15 years younger. This guy had a tiny cock, which I knew because I also found his penis extender while going through their stuff. This guy was into porn - he got unmarked brown envelopes each month from some porn club. Needless to say a few of them found their way into my stash.

Once in a while they'd rent a porno. The last one I discovered was "Taboo," which I watched mouth gaping. I would have been probably in 8th grade then. Soon after that I was caught outside their door peeping - and again, she just pretended it never happened.

I really want to tell her all this. I want to get all of the repressed things never talked about in the family out on the table, and deal with it. I've spent a while today trolling the local adult classifieds where she lives, which was tremendously exciting. It would be ideal if I could find her online somewhere, or lure her into clicking on some spam, to soften her up.

In the very vivid fantasy I had today, I totally faced envisioning what it would be like to talk to her about it. Send her an email, asking her a few vague questions, and suggest a time we can really talk? Wait until I can see her face to face?

I want it to be on the phone, though, because I don't want her to see me masturbating until I'm ready. I want to start off by asking her about those books. How much had she ever done that was in them? Did she know I spent all that time beating off in her bed?

Right at the end of high school I started fucking a student teacher (former), that was 15 years older than *me*. I wasn't very discrete about it, taking the phone down to the basement on the 50' cord to have phone sex with my older lover, who I dominated out of instinct. She knew and said nothing.

I want to be jacking off while I talk about all this, straining to catch hints of emotion on her voice, guilt, or arousal or horror. To know in that moment that I'm about to really not just push the envelope, but drive my cock right through the fucker, with potentially disastrous and career- and family-ending consequences if I read it wrong.

But right now, I'm so sure I'm not wrong. I've heard how she sounds like when she cums. I've heard her begging in a little girl voice to suck cock. If I go at her where she is vulnerable, I think her tight control will just crack wide open. Absolute truth might be laid bare, and then just sit there and stink. It would be taking a step that to most would put me outside the world of the human, either a beast or a god.

I'm going to keep thinking about this and posting here. More to come.

tmcm