Why the fuck can't I close that stupid streamate ad? I can't even mute it when I click mute. I keep clicking X and it still stays. And that's in addition to the other fucking ads you're forcing me to watch. Seriously, fuck you money grubbing assholes.
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I have to bitch about fat chicks! I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly? One would imagine that a hefty individual might make an attempt to overcome their physical shortcomings by exercising a more cheerful personality. Not these trifling hoes....
Out at a local club last night with a couple of dudes, watchin' the Ravens lose. Not lookin' for anything but an Orange Crush and a jerked -chicken quesadilla. As the night rolls on, the DJ, in typical fashion, begins to ramp up the energy in the room. The ladies start dancing, the fellas start watching. My buddies and I are enjoying our pub grub. Things are good.
A herd of linebackers migrates to the dance floor, not far from where my crew was stationed at the bar. They're drunk, and they are ready to grind. There's the cute (but fat) one, the tall one, the thick one (looked like she preferred the vag), the shy (but fat) one and the one we nicknamed "Goliath". Goliath looks like she ran security for the rest of them... bout 6'5", 300+ lbs.
The Ravens lose and the next game comes on. No one in my group cares for either of the teams now playing, so we turn our attention to the dance floor to scope out the talent. Being the nice guy that I am, I strike up a friendly chat with the "shy" one. She's cool, easy enough to talk to. She wants to be a cop, and I can relate to that. We talk for a good ten minutes or so before I notice the "cute" one has maneuvered herself into a tactical grinding position against my left leg.
Now, I'm not much of a dancer, but I don't have the heart to say no to a women who has concluded that, after scanning the room (I picture the Terminator scanning his surroundings, data popping up on the screen and whatnot), my sweet ass is the one for her. So I go with it. Fuck it.
It's quickly apparent that this bitch is the drunkest of her posse. Her dance moves tease of the possibility of a rouge titty popping out, but it never happens, which is ok, because remember, she's fat. She's stumbling and mumbling and it looks like she's not making it out of the club with her dinner still inside of her belly. My buddies see what's going on and I can hear the fat jokes in their heads as they laugh and point.
My buddy walks up and hands me a cranberry and vodka. "Thanks brotha!" I take one sip before the sloppy drunk pile snatches it out of my hand (spilling a good portion of it) and within seconds the whole thing is gone. Oh well, at least I didn't pay for that drink, but this trifling hoe is getting to be obnoxious. I'm thinking that it's getting late, so the lights should be coming on any moment now.
WHAM! Drunky takes a mid-dance nap and hits the ground hard. I try to catch her arm before she makes contact, but the cellulite makes for a terrible handgrip, not that I could support her mass anyway, so she's down and dirty and the nasty bar floor. Her friend, the thick one, moves in to run a recovery mission, but she's not man enough to move her fat ass, so she calls for reinforcements.
Enter Goliath. Easily strong enough to pick all of her friends in one arm and a plate of cheesy fries in the other, Goliath scoops up her fallen comrade and turns her attention to me.
"What the fuck did you put in her drink?" Keep in mind, chubs stole MY drink.
Last call. Lights on. The thick one and the tall one help stabilize the cute one as they all make their way to the front door. I can see them starring me down, as if to accuse me of a wrong doing. The shy one has disappeared, probably pulling up the car (20 bux says all 1200 pounds of these bitches pile into a single 2-door Honda Civic.) Goliath is yelling something at me, but I'm not listening, I'm trying to remember if the bar has my card or not. They do. Better settle up. Fuck this huge bitch.
My crew and I pay our tabs and make our way out the door into the parking lot. WIN! There before us was a shiny black Honda Civic with 4 pissed off whales and one drunk manatee on the ground outside the passenger door. The front passenger seat, the center console and part of the dash was covered in cranberry colored vomit. Ha! I knew it!
The bison see us exit the building and the cussing begins. They really thought that I drugged this bitch. I mean, think about it, if was gonna spend my hard earned money on some sweet roofies, wouldn't I pick a victim that I could get into bed without the aid of a forklift? I don't even own a forklift. Fuck. I'ma punch these hoes in their Adam's Apples.
Goliath runs to grab a nearby security man. I hear her screaming to call the cops while she points her sausage man-fingers at me, and I see the security guy grab his radio. Time to get the fuck out of Dodge!
We jump into my buddy's Camry and squeal wheels out of there. As we drive off I look back to see a collective single-finger salute, to which I return fire, all the while maintaining a big smile on my face. Bye bye fatties.
"Premium membership" cracks me up.
No ads: I am doing that with adblocker.
Download vids: Easy to do too.
Auto subscribe to every member so I can see SO content: I give a shit so much. Most members have bullshit SO content anyway.
Our undying love and support: PFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Ok so I can do everything I get with premium anyway, but I get your love and support? AHAHAHAHAHAA!
Yes, I need money grubbing dumbasses who can barely even run this site's love and support. Hilarious.
"You mean you can do all that without premium? Well...um..y-you'll have uh...O-OOUR UNDYING LOVE AND SUPPORT! Yeah thats it! GOD JUST PLEASE GIVE US MONEY!!"
XD haha.
Now excuse me while I go pay for premium on Slutload, who actually do have worthy premium features.
It's me again, the person writing the confessions about sleeping with my mom's bf while camping, letting a guy watch me while I had sex in the batting cages and getting cuffed by my roommate while we shared a guy. I'm getting a little bit used to writing stuff here and you guy seem to like it, so here's another.
I've pretended to be asleep while a guy had sex with me. This happened while I was staying at a friends house over the holidays. Her family was pretty strict and religious and they know I'm not. They didn't like me too much. Whenever I stayed the night they made me sleep in the guest room probably because they didn't trust me or something stupid. I didn't really care I'd usually sneak into her room when everyone was asleep anyway. I know they blame me for her coming out as bi but the dumb thing is that she taught me, not the other way around.
Anyway I was doing my usual thing. She had a pool that we would swim in and whenever I got changed I did my usual thing of leaving the door open a bit and having the blinds to the guest room open a bit. The window faced their back yard and I know her dad saw me a few times but I never said anything.
Eventually we ended up going to bed and I was mostly feigning sleep so I could sneak into her room later until the door to the guest room opened. The guest room is closer to her parents room so she never came in there, I always snuck over to her, so I pretended to be asleep in case her parents were getting something. Her dad whispered my name, asking if I was asleep but I pretended not to hear him. Eventually he closed the door and I felt him sit on the bed beside me.
I felt him reach under the covers and start to run his hand along my leg. I had no idea what to do so I pretended to roll away from him in my sleep, which made him panic and jump off the bed. I thought he'd leave but he didn't. After a minute I felt him lift the covers and lay down behind me, spooning me with his hard on pressed against my butt. I kept pretending to be asleep because I had no idea what I should do. He started lifting my sleep shirt up and over my boobs. I don't sleep with a bra on so he was quickly grubbing and playing with my boobs and nipples. It wasn't long until he slipped a hand into my panties ad started to rub my pussy.
I'd gotten pretty wet and he could definitely tell and he started dry humping me from behind while he started to finger me. Pretty soon he took his hands away and I felt him pulling his pants down before putting his hand back down my panties, pulling them to one side. He kept trying to enter me like that, hoping to fuck me while we were laying on our side but I don't think he could get the angle right and eventually gave up. He ended up kneeling on the bed and rolling me gently onto my back and getting between my legs. From there he pulled my panties to the side again and I felt him slide his cock inside me.
He didn't go fast or hard, I think he was scared of waking me, but he kept playing with my boobs the whole time, mostly licking and kissing them. He didn't last too long either and he came pretty quickly, pulling out when he finished cumming and pulling my panties back into place. I think the hoped that they'd soak up any evidence. They didn't and I ended up changing panties when he left.
We actually ended up sleeping together a few more times after that but this was in secret after my friend came out and her mom wouldn't allow me over anymore. And I was actually 'awake' those times.
Anyway, there's my sleeping story. Hope you all liked it.
The U.S. Would be better off if three states of the union and all the assholes living there were obliterated.
TEXAS (and all the moralfaggots that infest it)
NEW YORK (The breeding ground and origin of all that nigger hip pop / rap infesting the country)
CALIFORNIA (with their fat money grubbing producers and artists)
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