Gay Marriage:

Let me start out by saying I'm not gay. I am in a very happy, devoted relationship to my fiance. I am a 23 year old guy, she is a 22 year old girl. We are a very heterosexual couple, neither have ever been with someone of the same sex nor do we have the desire to.
I know this is going to draw some attention from those of who you are just going to want to comment about how "fags are bad" and other vulgar, inappropriate, unnecessary outcries. Please keep those to yourselves. If you have something intelegent to say, I implore you to comment.
If you don't believe I'm straight, I don't give a fuck. Simple as that, I'm here to discuss a topic I find very interesting.

I went onto Omegle and used the "ask a question" option. I asked:
"Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?"
I would like to say that I'm not a religious person, I believe there is a higher power. Whoever/whatever that may be, I have no idea. I do believe that we were put on this earth to love eachother and to accept one another's differences. I don't have the right to tell you how to live and who to love, and you shouldn't judge people either.

The following text is 20 of the responses. I got a few responses that had nothing to do with the question, the majority of people didn't comment but simply disconnected. I just want to point out that the (majority) of the people that were against gay marriage weren't well spoken(typed) and were fairly rude and vulgar, while the people not necessarily for gay marriage, but just support people's happiness, took notice were well spoken, and used correct grammar and spelling.

(1) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 1: i'm with him on that, what does religion have to do with who you can love?
Stranger 2: I got nothing wrong with it either
Stranger 2: Gayness is not a hoice
Stranger 2: Choice
Stranger 2 has disconnected
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(2) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 1: I just can't be fucked to discuss this at the moment.
Stranger 1: But I agree.
Stranger 1: Homomarriage ftw.
Stranger 1: gosh, I'm tired.
Stranger 2: lol if people had equal rights in the first place there wouldnt be a discussion...
Stranger 1 has disconnected
*********************************
~Next conversation was disconnected before either stranger commented.
*********************************
~This one is kinda long and doesn't discuss the topic much.
(3) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 2: ...
Stranger 1: I have the right
Stranger 2: um, Gay marriage is legal here
Stranger 1: Homosexuals are dumb
Stranger 2: my church accepts/blesses gay marriage
Stranger 1: That wrong
Stranger 2: so, IDK what the issue is really
Stranger 1: That's discusting
Stranger 2: I'm not gay
Stranger 2: and I'm not getting married
Stranger 1: They make me wanna puke
Stranger 2: how come?
Stranger 2: have they come onto you?
Stranger 2: maybe you give out gay vibes.
Stranger 1: There not normal
Stranger 2: *they're
Stranger 2: we know that
Stranger 2: so, what's your point?
Stranger 1: They should pretend not to be gay
Stranger 2: some do
Stranger 1: Thats my point
Stranger 1: Good for them
Stranger 2: sooo
Stranger 1: They're awsome
Stranger 2: no, they suck..
Stranger 2: buddumm TSS
Stranger 1: But for those who show there gay
Stranger 1: There discusting
Stranger 2: *their
Stranger 1: Sick
Stranger 2: they're
Stranger 1: Horrible
Stranger 2: becuase?
Stranger 2: because*
Stranger 1: Y don't u call the grammer police?
Stranger 2: Because I'm correcting your spelling, not grammar.
Stranger 2: problem?
Stranger 2: getting back to the point
Stranger 1: If I used good grammer/spelling it would take longer to type
Stranger 1: I only use it correctly on school work
Stranger 2: So, it would take longer to type an A in grammar than an E?
Stranger 2: So, you have no desire to present yourself as an intelligent person to the world?
Stranger 2: By choice.
Stranger 1: Yes when I get a job I will
Stranger 1: But I'm in high school
Stranger 1: I don't need to
Stranger 2: You don't have a job now?
Stranger 1: No
Stranger 2: ...
Stranger 1: Im working towards becoming a nuclear engineer though
Stranger 2: in high school
Stranger 2: ..
Stranger 1: Watch when I get my job you'll be ashamed you ever said that
Stranger 1: Nuclear engineers make GOOD money
Stranger 2: I don't know how it is where you live, but here you have to be in the 90th percentile to be accepted to the faculty of engineering.
Stranger 2: and you can't use grammar.
Stranger 2: so, I'm thinking you have a lot of work ahead of you.
Stranger 1: Uhhh ya I can
Stranger 2: Clearly.
Stranger 1: I decide not to
Stranger 2: Good luck in life son, you'll need it. Also, your dad is probably a fag.
Stranger 2 has disconnected
*************************************
(4) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 1: I never argued the point. I'm not God, I let Him/Her decide these things.
Stranger 1 has disconnected
*************************************
~Another one disconnected before commenting.
*************************************
(5) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 2: homosexuals are bad
Stranger 1: It's the right of the AMERICAN PEOPLE!
Stranger 2: even satan doesn't approve
Stranger 1: IT WILL RUIN THIS GREAT SOCIETY!
Stranger 2 has disconnected
~"Great Society"???? Full of rapists, murderers, crime and general fear of anything unknown. Yep, Gays are definitely our biggest concern!!!
***********************************
(6) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? What if he said you can't marry?
Stranger 1: i never said anything
Stranger 2: Yep.
Stranger 1: who asked god?
Stranger 1: dont they have thier own righ
Stranger 1: what if god did say no gay marriages
Stranger 1: why would that mean they couldnt
Stranger 1: people have the right to do what the fuck they want and not live in religon
Stranger 1: so befor you try and be pro gay rethink the way you word it
Stranger 1: good day
Stranger 2 has disconnected
~Please note, I'm not saying God has anything to do with the topic. Just pointing out that it's the most argument against it.
***********************************
~Starting with this question, I decided to ask where the Strangers were from. Unfortunately, most decided not to acknowledge the question.
(7) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: true
Stranger 2: i honestly dont care what people are as long as you are a nice person
Stranger 1 has disconnected
**********************************
(8) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: Amen
Stranger 1 has disconnected
*******************************
~Another disconnected without commenting.
*********************************
~And another.
*********************************
~And another.
********************************
(9) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: gays go to hell
Stranger 1: let them get married there
Stranger 2: Your ignorance is dripping on my carpet sir
Stranger 1: liberal fag
Stranger 1 has disconnected
******************************
~Another disconnected without comment.
******************************
~And another.
******************************
~And another.
******************************
(10) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: no one, none, never, Norway
Stranger 1: No ones I guess, little, never, England
Stranger 2 has disconnected
********************************
~Another disconnected without comment.
********************************
~And another.
********************************
(11) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: They can share marraige
Stranger 2: They deserve it
Stranger 2: :/
Stranger 2: I'm straight, myself
Stranger 2: But EXCLUDING certain innocent people from their rights
Stranger 2: is WRONG.
Stranger 2: RIGHTS are RIGHTS.
Stranger 2: >.<
Stranger 2: Get over it.
Stranger 1: People are idiots. Gays should have the same rights as us... Fuck... More
Stranger 2: Your book is 3000 years old
Stranger 2: Agreed
Stranger 2: This person is an ignorant, overly religious person
Stranger 1: Theyve been trying so hard to be accepted
Stranger 2: worshipping a 3000 year old book written by middle eastern goat herders.
Stranger 1: Yea
Stranger 2: Homosexuals/Bisexuals have the same rights as us
Stranger 2: :/
Stranger 1: But they can't get married
Stranger 2: They deserve to be for sure
Stranger 1: Theyve been trying so hard for acceptance
Stranger 1: Ik
Stranger 2: Ugh
Stranger 2: Bye :)
Stranger 2 has disconnected
~Please note, obviously I support Gay Marriage. I'm not sure where they got the idea that I was against it, I thought the way
I presented my questions made that obvious...
***************************************
(12) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: im gay.
Stranger 1: :3
Stranger 1: ..
Stranger 2: faggot
Stranger 2 has disconnected
***************************************
~Another disconnected without commenting
**************************************
~And another.
****************************************
~And another.
****************************************
(13) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: marriage is with
Stranger 1: Whoa, someone's having a hissy fit
Stranger 2: a man and a woman
Stranger 1: Amen
Stranger 1: Gay marriage is a disgrace
Stranger 2: no, it's not really a disgrace, it's just not right
Stranger 1: An insult to human life
Stranger 1: It is a disgrace
Stranger 2: yea ok it's a disgrace
Stranger 1: Gay's are nice people, but what they're doing is wrong
Stranger 1: Soo wrong
Stranger 2: what are they doing wrong..?
Stranger 1: Loving someone of the same sex as them
Stranger 1: Making love to them
Stranger 1: The penis was not made for the ass
Stranger 1: It was made for the vagina
Stranger 1: For procreation
Stranger 1: So we can multiply
Stranger 1: Can you make babies from fucking a man up the ass? No
Stranger 2: yea, it's perverted
Stranger 1: No
Stranger 2: well, it'
Stranger 2: s
Stranger 2: gay sex only focus on pleasure
Stranger 2: not procreation or real lve
Stranger 1: How can you get pleasure from being fucked in the asshole?
Stranger 2: but that's happens
Stranger 1: The same place faeces comes out of?
Stranger 2: in all cases now with comdom
Stranger 1: Still disgusting
Stranger 2: they can be sex partners, ok. but not marriage
Stranger 2: gays want to be respected, respect the religion of other ppl too ~When don't they?
Stranger 1: Gay's should go to hell
Stranger 1: end of
Stranger 1 has disconnected
************************************
~The next response consisted of one person who supports it and another who didn't say his view. They quickly transitioned into a long discussion about religions. It was entirely too long to post here, if you would like to read it, feel free to e-mail me.
***************************************
~Another disconnected without comment.
***************************************
~And another
************************************
(14) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: god
Stranger 2: God never said he hated gay you faggot..
Stranger 2 has disconnected
~Not sure if Stranger 2 was responding to my question, or Stranger 1. Again, I'm not saying what God believes because I don't/didn't know Him/Her and He/She never told me what they want.
***************************************
~Another disconnected without comment.
***************************************
~And another.
***************************************
~And another.
***************************************
~The next stranger commented that he lived in NY, it's legal there, and to get over it, then disconnected.
***************************************
(15) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: I believe gays should be able to marry
Stranger 1: simple as
Stranger 2: same
Stranger 1: im english
Stranger 2: Do not go attacking us question-asker
Stranger 2 has disconnected
*************************************
~Another disconnected without comment
*************************************
(16) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 2: by what right does the government have at all to issue marriage licenses to anyone?
Stranger 1: True
Stranger 2: where does a "right" come from?
Stranger 1: Good question
Stranger 1: Love is love
Stranger 2: the government does not exist to validate individuals' personal relationships, it exists to provide particular services which would be otherwise unavailable, to keep the peace and enforce the law
Stranger 1: Agreed
Stranger 1: And well put
Stranger 1: World woul be so much better if politics stayed out of people's homes
Stranger 2 has disconnected
************************************
(17) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: swedish
Stranger 1: atheist
Stranger 2: America
Stranger 2: Christian
Stranger 2: But before we start all this, can you not judge me for being a christian?
Stranger 1: I'll try not to.
Stranger 2: Wonderful
Stranger 1: I just can't believe people actively waste their own time trying to prevent OTHER people from being happy. They have nothing to do with you. They want to be with each other, not with you. So what the hell is wrong with that? Love is love, no matter what gender or colour or whatever.
Stranger 2: I understand, Christians can be super judgemental about stuff like this
Stranger 2: Honestly, i don't think Marriage is a government issue, it's a religious thing (for the most part) and the government shouldn't give benefits to a married couple. If a church or other institution wants to marry people, they should be free too. If a church wants to not marry people, they should be able too.
Stranger 1: To be perfectly honest I don't really care. What is so important about getting married in a church anyway. If I ever get married I wouldn't care where it happens, just the fact that it happens and that it's with a person I love will be enough.
Stranger 2: For different people, marriage can be different things. To me, Marriage is a gift from God, and should be between a man and woman. That's based off of my religious beliefs, but i don't care what others do. To them it may be different, and that's ok with me.
Stranger 1: Personally I've never been religious so for me marriage is basically just having the same lastname and a ring on your finger to signal you're off the market so to speak.
Stranger 2: Totally cool. That's the beauty of freedom, it's your choice.
Stranger 1: Indeed.
Stranger 1: And I mean... I've heard of people marrying buildings for fuck's sake... BUILDINGS!
Stranger 2: Yeah, it's a little ridiculous. I'm sorry that so many christian's are so ignorant and judgemental, just thought i'd throw that out there
Stranger 1: The fact that they have to force their crap on other people is what pisses me off. Fine, believe what you want, just don't try and force me to do so as well. I've made my choice not to.
Stranger 1: And that argument they have "think of the children" yeah, please do! What kind of message is "no you can't love who you want because if you do you'll burn in hell"... That's not a good message.
Stranger 2: I mean i'm not disagreeing. A lot Christians claim Christ, but don't love like He loved.
Stranger 1: Seems like they just pick the parts best suited to themselves.
Stranger 1: Which sort of destroys the real message.
Stranger 2: Yep, The Church is corrupt, and there are a lot of problems. But, even though i am pretty messed up, I can still say that Jesus has radically changed my life, and given me hope. Good talking to you, but i have to go. Hope your next experience is good!
Stranger 1: Have a nice day.
Stranger 1 has disconnected
**********************************
~Another disconnected without comment.
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(18) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: Nobody, that's who!
Stranger 1: No difference at all!
Stranger 1: He didn't xP
Stranger 2: I don't believe in any deity, people ought to be able to marry whoever they please who are of the age of consent, Sweden.
Stranger 1: California ^_^
Stranger 1: For once, a nice stranger
Stranger 1: :D
Stranger 2: :) see, OP, we're a socially liberal bunch over here.
Stranger 2: take care, toodles!
Stranger 2 has disconnected
*******************************
(19) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: ummm...
Stranger 2: good question..
Stranger 1: God loves everyone
Stranger 1: and he made us to love one another
Stranger 1: wether were black asian females males mexicans whites transgenders gays
Stranger 1: we have to accept each other
Stranger 1: k bai
Stranger 1 has disconnected
********************************
(20) You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Whose right is it to tell homosexuals they can't share the bliss of marriage? What difference does it make to your life? When did God give you the right to judge? Where are you both from?
Stranger 1: I don't judge. :D
Stranger 1: i'm from the state of delusion.
Stranger 1: btw
Stranger 2: No one has the right to judge.
Stranger 2: But it will be done by people anyway.
Stranger 1: yeah, no escaping it.
Stranger 1: But as I like to say, homosexuals should have the right to be UNHAPPY in marriages..haaaaaa.
Stranger 1 has disconnected

That's the end off the 20. I did keep it going but didn't want to make this much longer. If you want to discuss this topic further without the fear of getting trampled by trolls feel free to PM me.
Thanks for reading, have a great day!

Ok, i feel i need to go about this very specifically due to basic fears and preconceptions round here.

I have a question for a specific group that lurks about here. Before i ask it, dear god. Keep it civil, no visual aids, no links, and on both sides please no primal psycho rage.

My question is simply, Why?

stay with me now. This gets a little between the lines, anti's just stay mellow, it's still illegal and zero tolerance, folks in question don't get too into... well actually i dont' get quite what but try and treat it as a clinical question if you can.

I understand that this may get a bit uh, weird. But let's try to keep the visceral language and finger pointing to a minimum.

and yes i'm ducking the direct question because i'm a pussy. Now that we've cleared the air on that let's move on.

My question has been established. Why?

My confusion comes from my own perspective and capacity for inference.

Your preferred group, biologically, are basically pre-sex. I can't tell if one is male or female save for the color scheme on their clothes.

Being as they are sexless i remain confused as to the appeal. Stay calm.

Personally i believe any person has the right to do whatever the fudge they want in a darkened room wherein nobody realizes they exist in the first place. Which isn't a jab, it's exactly what i mean.

You want to smoke meth, shoot heroin, hold pet beauty pageants or have your mailman strangle you with a designer gator skin belt while you beat off to vintage cartoon characters; go for it.

Admittedly, the only reason i won't include it on that list is i feel certain folks would focus on that and lose sight of the question i'm asking.

I will say this. So long as it's legal to masturbate yourself into a rage-gasm over murder scene and autopsy photos it may as well be legal to beat off to any pre-existing evidence of human horror. Dude didn't murder any one, he just got way too into the photos proving it happened. It creeps me out, but whatever. No one said he has to be within a square mile of anyone i want to keep from him.

If i'm going to be self appointed thought police, however, then kill me now.

I've made peace with many other lifestyles, or mental illness or mutations or doctrines or fuck you get over yourselves that many people take to the grave, but this one just makes no sense to me at all.

The God freaks of any brand are afraid of being punished or positive they will be rewarded. In either case, because of others.

Druggies are addicted, biochemically and subsequently psychologically dependant.

Gays are just gay. period.

Beasties are demented, but i can make peace purely on the sense of ignorance. If It's legal to grind animals into big macs and tasteless clothes, it's legal to fuck them.

But this thing seems basically rooted in predatory mentality. i may be wrong but that's why i ask.

even serial killers admit to being basically sexually obsessed. Stay cool.

I'm not saying you are all rapists or cannibals or predators. It does however seem that the exclusive proprietors of your content are.

At that point i get back to the crime scene photos. That's basically what your content seems to be. Evidence of a crime. I'm no johnny law. i smoke my reefer and abide selectively like any American (hold it against me if you must i make no apology for being born at random), but i can't see past the victimization.

Is it a power trip? like a rape fantasy that has fallen so low on dominance that it manifests itself in this way? Comments here on motherless for the so called "weak stuff" seem to imply that dominance, pain and victimization are tantamount to the appeal.

If so, then at that point you lose me. I'm no stranger to the potentials of human cruelty, but there seems to be an outcry from your group that this is not your motivation, meanwhile others in your community seem to state otherwise. Quite directly in fact.

I'm neither looking to be sold on it, nor dissuaded. I have my sexual identity quite intact. I myself find sexual delight in plump to simply put fat ass white women, I'm simply confused and at a loss.

Further, the only reason i feel it warrants such discussion at all is the fact that it seems such a perpetual pervasive issue not just here, but anywhere a person doesn't have to own it right up front.

oh well, fuck it. I asked the question; do with it what you will. Even if that is nothing. Our own eyes are upon us, no greater authority matters.

If you have an honest opinion of your own, feel free to share. If you're looking to go to war either for or against, Then that topic already exists.

If at this point you have no idea what i'm talking about, what are you even doing here when you could be beating off to titties or making racist comments?

Maybe i'm wasting my time. Later wankers.

Found this....the link to the site : http://www.babble.com/babble-voices/a-focused-life-me-ra-koh/13-characteristics-of-a-date-rapist-a-list-you-need-to-share/

13 Characteristics of a Date Rapist: A List You Need to Share

I spoke around the country on the topic of sexual assault after publishing my first book, Beauty Restored: Finding Life and Hope After Date Rape. Whenever I would read this list, the room would go silent. And I heard the cry of my own heart as college student after college student, teen after teen, said “If only I had heard this list before I was raped. Maybe I would have known.” Below are thirteen characteristics of Date/Acquaintance Rapists. If you know someone who is displaying these characteristics, does that make them a rapist?

No.

But if you know someone who is in a relationship with someone exhibiting several of these behaviors, and especially if that someone is you, you can be affirmed through this list that this person is not a safe or healthy person to be in intimate relationship with. This is the list I wish I would have known before my own date rape. This is the list I’ve shared with thousands of youths, college students and women conferences over the last twenty years.

Below this list, I will share how these characteristics looked in my story with the numbers of the specific characteristic inserted at different points, so you can see how this list plays out in real life. In light of the current news, I encourage you to share these thirteen characteristics with all the young people in your life–especially those in a place of vulnerability.

13 Characteristics of Date/Acquaintance Rapists

Although there is no profile of a typical date or acquaintance rapist, experts have identified behavioral characteristics that tend to be exhibited by date and acquaintance rapists.

1. Displays anger or aggression, either physically or verbally (The anger need not be directed toward you, but may be displayed during conversations by general negative references to women, vulgarity, curtness toward others, and the like. Women are often viewed as adversaries.)

2. Displays a short temper; slaps and/or twists arms

3. Acts excessively jealous and/or possessive (Be especially suspicious of this behavior if you have recently met the person or are on a first or second date.)

4. Ignores your space boundaries by coming too close or placing his hand on your thigh, etc. (Be particularly cognizant of this behavior when it is displayed in public.)

5. Ignores your wishes

6. Attempts to make you feel guilty or accuses you of being uptight

7. Becomes hostile and/or increasingly more aggressive when you say no

8. Acts particularly friendly at a party or bar and tries to separate you from your friends

9. Insists on being alone with you on a first date

10. Demands your attention or compliance at inappropriate times, such as during class

11. Acts immaturely; shows little empathy or feeling for others and displays little social conscience

12. Asks personal questions and is interested in knowing more about you than you want to tell him

13. Subscribes excessively to traditional male and female stereotypes

*excerpt from Beauty Restored: Finding Life and Hope After Date Rape and Adapted from Carol Pritchard’s book, Avoiding Rape On and Off Campus

I met him the first week of my college freshmen orientation. He was charming, funny and a leader on campus. He was studying to be a Youth Pastor. I had never been away from home, and due to a painful relationship with my dad, I was hungry for love and attention.

The same week, he showed up at my dorm room. I remember wondering how he knew where I lived, but pushed the question aside. He asked if I wanted to go out on a date. I suggested a group date, but he pushed for time alone. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling inside and agreed (#9). The older girls were excited for me. They knew him, and he was funny with everyone. Why should I worry?

Soon after, we started dating more consistently. At first, he loved everything about me. But after a few weeks, things shifted. I remember coming out to the dorm lobby to meet him for dinner, and he asked me why I had chosen to wear something so awful. I went back to my dorm room embarrassed, in tears, and changed my clothes. He began telling me that my friends were talking about me and were not to be trusted (#8). I should spend more time with him, and after all, I hardly knew these new college friends.

One day, while driving in the car, I disagreed with something he said. He grabbed my thigh and squeezed tightly. While holding my thigh and smiling, he calmly told me that I was out of line. I felt trapped and afraid, but again, I didn’t listen. Then he let go of my leg and laughed. This was the beginning of him grabbing my thigh with an iron grip when he wanted me to pay attention (#4 and #7). If only I had known this was an actual characteristic of date rapists.

When I finally broke off the relationship, he followed me everywhere. He wanted another chance, another date, another opportunity to make up for how wrong things were going. No matter how many times I said no, he didn’t give up. Flowers showed up at my door, cards with confessions of love. He felt that God had brought us together. I was being too uptight, unforgiving. How could I not give him another chance, he asked. The girls around me swooned. Was I making a big deal out of nothing? He would not accept no for an answer. (#5 and #6)

So I agreed to one more date, as friends, on Valentine’s Day. But after dinner, he didn’t take me back to my dorm. He took me to an abandoned parking lot.

I remember being trapped, unable to get free from the car.

I remember the moment I gave up fighting and went far away in my head to survive what was happening to my body.

I remember him driving me back to my dorm, telling me that he’d give me a call some time soon, with a casual smile and wave goodbye.

I remember standing in the shower with all my clothes on, shaking and crying.

I remember changing the way I dressed, so that baggy clothes and dark colors hid my shape, my joy, hid me.

I remember hearing that he had done this before. I was number four.

I remember standing in the court room. Alone. And a woman judge asking me why I didn’t just get out of the car if things were “that bad”.

I remember feeling raped a second time by the court system.

It was Valentine’s Day, over 21 years ago.

If someone would have told me about these thirteen characteristics, I may have realized my gut instinct was in fact, telling me the truth. I may have thought twice about spending time with him. And even though everyone on campus seemed to love him, I may have given this list a second look and decided not to date him. But I never saw the list, and I was a broken nineteen year old who had zero self worth.

Before I became a photographer, I authored the book Beauty Restored: Finding Life and Hope After Date Rape. I spoke wherever I could – at women’s conferences, college campuses, and youth groups – and did over 40 national TV and radio interviews to bring awareness to a topic that is often kept quiet.

In my many years of speaking, I have witnessed how far reaching date rape is. I have held high school girls in my arms as they have sobbed uncontrollably. I have seen junior high boys weep under the chairs of the church. I have had grandmas confess that they have not told anyone of their rape for over 60 years. The loss in their voice, the grief, believing that swallowing the shame year after year was necessary.

These characteristics came to me after my rape. But you can share this list with friends, young people, youth groups, and college students to help prevent this horrible crime. Awareness is the key. Awareness has the power to make all the difference. Date/Acquaintance rape is never about sex, but power. The mind often feels crazy, second guessing everything, wondering if you are making a big deal out of nothing. And too often, I have found that the victim has been deprived of healthy love to know the difference. But we can change that. With our culture struggling to know how to respond to rape, you can have a powerful conversation with the young people you know. Working together, we can stop the shame and confusion. And even speak a word of hope to the one who is already hurting in silence.

*Learn more about Me Ra and her story.

You can find her at merakoh.com.

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