I confess I took a shit this morning and found Alpha Omega's wristwatch in the toilet. Weird.
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This might seem off-topic, but does this look like a metal wristwatch that this woman is wearing in this photo?
Parking meters and trampolines make me randy. I'm deathly afraid of January. I buy an apple, I throw it away. I hate apples! The only difference between me and Tom Hanks is our dick sizes. While mine is stunningly average, Tom has a dick bigger than Rhode Island. I secretly like apples, but lie about it when nervous. I'm not really sure how pencils work. I suspect it's a trick. My dad hates Canadian bacon. Everyone thinks I breathe oxygen, but they are sadly mistaken. When I throw up, I THROW UP! Donkeys make bad lifeguards. Not all dogs go to heaven. Some dogs burn in hell for their wicked ways. They are going to cancel the year 2015 and replace it with an updated 1893. I often forget to remove my wristwatch when I am fisting people. Diet Coke is not real. Neither is New Brunswick.