I've got some things i need to get off my chest.

First of all, i'm a worthless stoner. Kinda fucked in the head from a wrought past, so i smoke to help deal with my anxiety problems. You people have NO idea how bad it gets sometimes. My shitty past pretty much has me mind-fucked into being one of two ways. Usually i'm just paranoid and super anxious, i feel like worthless trash and want to blow my brains out to pay for it. And my other half is a super pervy, completely bonkers sub who's got dick on the mind and drools at the thought, my own constantly pre-ing everywhere. And i mean big, warm slugs of pre. Smoking ultimately prevents me from being the former, and it's a huge releif.

The only downside to smoking is that it flips my horny switch on and completely over-exaggerates the latter. Two or three good bong rips and i cant think straight AND i get a raging boner. If i smoke too much more i'll literally have a leg shaking, mind bending, unable to walk orgasm. The kind where you squirt so hard you feel it "tugging" in your feet and your vision gets all fade-ey. And i can shoot some insane wads as a result. I've been able to pass it off as simply being stoned. Thank god i've never had anyone notice the nutt running down my leg, i'd probably die of embarrassment. It's particularly bad when hanging out with friends and folk, when getting up to clean myself up in a restroom simply isn't a possibility.

What makes my crazy situation bad is that i dont buy my own stuff. I mooch off of my half brother. He doesn't really mind, i'm kind of his smokin and chillin buddy. But with my switch being on and all, i'm super sensitive to even the slightest things i even found myself eyeing up a passed out marty at the end of back to the future, DAT FUCKING ASS. He's a particularly musky individual, and he's even got a rare "Reverse" glandluar problem, so he's skinny and is perpetually toned, despite eating like a fat man. He's hot. I wouldn't dare tarnish our mutual friendship by committing the unthinkable though, he is my step brother after all. But if he came onto me, i'd be aweful tempted. It's gross, but sadly it's the truth.

Which leads me to my next bit. I want a dealer to be my lover. Preferably a tall, strong, white male, even a little thuggin. One that's smart and can actually avoid the po-po to the very end. And if at all possible, i want him to be huuuung. Like, ten inches or more hung. I'm a total sub too, so being treated like a possession would be awesome too. Yes, i want to be his bitch, completely and entirely.

Like, i want him to make me go down on him while dealing to his customers. On my knees, face buried into his crotch, eyes rolling into the back of my head, tongue ticking his balls. And if it so peaked his interest, i want to go down on his customers for his enjoyment. I want to be his little slut, being obeying him like i'm property, all the while us being genuinely in love with one another.

Oh god, a dealer who'll love me proper AND bend me over to his will would be perfect. And i mean like ass in the air, face down in a pillow, hardcore fucking and ass smacking bending me over. Wherever and whenever too, whether he's got his arms wrapped around me from behind and his hips planted firmly into my rear or him motioning me to come set in his lap.

Still, what could be worse than wanting to be some dealer's bitch? I want to offer my services in exchange for pot. I dont mean like whoring myself out, desperate for a fix either. I mean like it's what i do because i enjoy it, and my preferred choice of payment is a nice chunk of bud. So not only am i getting pent up people laid, i'm getting something i want for doing stuff i like doing. I'm getting what i want by getting others off by doing what gets me off. It sickens me to even think about it, but at the same time my other half is screaming YES YES OH MY GOD YES about it. I guess at heart i'm just a no good slut.

My mind is a tad more at ease now, feels good bro. I'll never forgive myself for being the disgusting slut i am, but at least i can learn to enjoy it, and in turn blab about it in total anonymity. Muchos gracias motherless, you dont judge me for the sick faggot i am.