I am confessing on here way to much lately, but I find that confessing allows me to regain some amount of normalcy in my life, rather than dwelling on something and possibly sinking deeper. I have confessed on here twice before. First, it was when I tried anal play for the first time. Second, was my attempts to make myself more feminine, out of sheer lust and having slutty thoughts daily.
After each confession, there was a reduction in activity. I now only lightly finger myself in the shower for a second or two (a deep clean, as it were). The slutty thought have diminished as well. I keep up of the feminine exercises, only because I'm starting to see some very real and pleasing results (more androgynous than anything, but a shapely ass is fine by me, whether masculine or feminine).
Today... I found a modified Isabela Valentine sound file called "Sissy Shower". In it, the audio was designed so that when you closed your eyes, it felt like the voice was swimming in your head. I've listened to her stuff before, but this time, I actually went really into it. When I was suppose to get aroused, my heart raced. When my cock was suppose to twitch, it throbbed. I found myself desperately trying to rub the back of my throat with my fingers without triggering any gag reflex. And then at the vary end, the voice changed, and se told me to lie on my back and come in my mouth...and I did....but the mp3 finished before I did, and I frantically tried to set it back to the beginning of that part.
So my confession: This is the first time I have cum without a tissue or cloth... I missed my mouth, but came all over my face and shirt. But here's the kicker, I normally can't even touch my cum after ejaculation. The feeling is gone after that burst, but I was HORNY. A glob hand landed on my wrist, and I put my mouth on it and started sucking. I kept on sucking for like 15 seconds.. I Relished it, like it was fucking chocolate or something. I scooped it off my face some and ate that too....then I started sucking it out of my shirt. (there was a lot more than usual)
About halfway through I was losing my taste for it (maybe it was the added taste of the shirt), but I kept sucking it, cause I "didn't want it to stain". This lead me to get horny again, but I jumped in the shower and tried to focus. My hearts beating fast just typing this, but I hope a confession will bring me back closer to normal.
Thankfully, I won't get a chance to do something like that again for a while (can't reveal reason...but too risky), or any of the other things I been doing. Hopefully this will allow me to assess if it was just the hypnosis fucking with my brain, or if these things really turn me on that much. Like: I enjoy salted chocolate, but does that mean I also enjoy the taste of cum? Do I really fantasize about being force-fed 10 cocks in a locker room?
I know that I'll probably have some fantasies for a few days related...but if it is the hypnosis, it should wear off.....I think.
(And there you go, a 100% true confession on MLess)
