I'm a little buzzed right now. Forgive me if I fuck anything up.
So, today I admitted things to my new "boyfriend" that I had never admitted to anybody, not even myself. A few things that I had told people here on motherless and a few things I had never even come to terms with myself. It was pretty incredible.
I was sucking his dick and telling him how much I liked sucking my fuckbuddy's dick, and he asked me if there was anybody else's dick who I wanted to suck. I don't know what I was thinking, but I told him I wanted to suck my dad's dick, and he asked if I wanted to roleplay father/daughter, and I told him no, I didn't, I wanted to suck my actual dad's dick, and I told him about how I used to steal my dad's underwear from the dirty laundry, and I was just overcome with shame and nervousness, and couldn't stop talking, and kept going on about how I wanted my dad to fuck me like he fucked my mom, and after he came, we cuddled and talked about it, and I was mortified and embarrassed but it wasn't that bad.
I told him that I had told people online about having stole his underwear from the dirty laundry (I have taken my boyfriends underwear and told him about it, so he already knows about that obsession of mine) but I had never even admitted to myself that I had wanted to fuck him. Before I knew it, we (me and my boyfriend) were fucking, and I was calling him "Daddy" and talking to him like he was my daddy and telling him to fuck his baby girl senseless and saying some of the most foul, dirty things I have ever thought of while pretending he was my legitimate father.
He dropped me off at home earlier, and all day I have been sitting here regretting how disgusting I acted today (I haven't even went into detail about the things I said and we did), but he has taxted me twice to tell me how sexy I am and how lucky he is. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed though, and weird about the fact that I just had some of the best sex of my life while pretending I was with my dad.
I would never actually have sex with my father, but in a way, I feel like I just did, and I feel so dirty and nasty and sleazy, and it's driving me crazy. Fuck. I'm so fucked up.
